Overused Plot Parody #6: He Got Irked!

  So, I finally got an idea for these again! After the epic fail that was "Back to Tak" , I came up with a next instalment of the series after a hiatus.

  Ladies and Gents, I give you....

                                He Got Irked!

   Zim and Dib were in the heat of battle in Zim's lab. Zim had captured people as test subjects, and you know Dib wouldn't let that go on.

   Zim shoved Dib into a weird generator, labeled "The Plot Device", that just so happened to be in the corner. When Dib hit the generator, something flickered on his face. It was an Irken face. Zim freaked out. "The Dib? Half-Irken?" Dib tilted his head. "Really? That's your first conclusion?" Zim ignored Dib. "COMPUTER! SCAN THE INSIGNIFICANT IRKEN IMPOSTOR!" "Yes, Alliterative Master!" The computer replied, scanning Dib.

  "Sir! Dib is inexplicably an Irken." Zim and Dib freaked out. "My kind, soiled!" Zim screeched. "My life! Ruined!" Dib shouted. There was insane giggling. The two horrified enemies looked left to a container holding a girl.

  "Yay! You two can work together to destroy mankind!" Dib raised an eyebrow. "Why would I do that?" The girl smiled. "'Cause your gunna looooooovve each other!" Dib and Zim were disgusted. "Or maybe you're brothers!" They were both  doubly disgusted, and Zim was about to rant about how the mighty Zim had no siblings, and he was too amazing to have relatives, anyway. Then the girl made a blasphemous claim so horrible, the author could not bear to write it.

  Zim lost it. "COMPUTER! KILL THIS HORRIBLE HUMAN FULL OF LIIIIIIEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!!!" Zim looked around. "Where is the disgraceful Dib-Irken?" The Computer answered, "He left, saying something about wanting to end it all rather than be the same creature as his worst enemy..." Zim scowled. "Eh, I can't let him do that! Only I am allowed to end the Dib! Selfish abomination..."

  Zim began to storm out of his lab. "Eeeeeeee! He's gonna save Dib! He DOES love him..." The girl squealed. "COMPUTER!!!" Zim called. The Computer analyzed the human. How was he going to end her? Lasers? No, they'd been overused lately. Neurotoxin? No, that seemed like another AI's shtick.

   Suffocate the human in a liquid-solid? "That's original...." He mused. Yep, The Computer was going to go with that....

THE END

-----

 Well, there you have it!

  And relax, no eleven-year-old boys committed suicide in the creation of this FanFic/Parody...

Parody #1
Parody #2
Parody #3
Parody #4
Parody #5

Weekend Artwork #13- Those Two Guards.... and Braig

  Hola! So, I was thinking, I don't really show Xaldin and Lexeaus from Kingdom Hearts much love. It doesn't help that they don't play much of a role in the series and really didn't do much. Demyx was Demyx (AND A PAIN IN THE BUTT TO BEAT!!!!), and Luxord was British and had playing cards, so they were more memorable. Anywho, I also don't do much with the Somebodies, either. So I thought, "Hey! Let's do a picture of Dilan and Aeleus, Xaldin and Lexeaus's Somebodies!" So, here it is!

Dilan took his coffee with cream and two sugars, LIKE HIS SOUL!

 And eventually, I thought of this little story to go with it. Enjoy!

Those Two Guards.... And Braig

  Dilan and Aeleus were returning from their break. They FINALLY got to have it, no thanks to Braig disappearing. But since Lord Ansem the Wise had gone out to take Ienzo to get a new book, and Even was expendable, they could sneak away to get some coffee. As they walked out of Starmunny, with their coffee, poppy seed muffins, and a cookie for Ienzo, Dilan asked, "Where did Braig go?"

 Aeleus shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe he's dead." Dilan shook his head. "I rarely question Lord Ansem, but I fail to see why he decided to hire Braig as a guard.." Aeleus chuckled.

"HEY GUYS! 'SUP?"

 Aeleus and Dilan both let out a sigh as the sharpshooter ran up behind them. "Hello, Braig." Dilan greeted, exasperated. Aeleus looked at Braig, who's head, eye, and cheek was bandaged. "Where have you been?" he asked, deadpan. Braig paused a little, thinking. As the two walked away, Braig got it and chased them both down.

 "You see, I was buying something for Ansem and Even, and the salesmoogle was like, 'That'll be 400 Munny, Kupo!' So I was like, 'Dude, as if! I only got 350, let me pay you the other 50 later!' Then the Moogle's like, 'No! You're going to pay now! Kupo!' And I'm all, 'I can't! Pay day's tomorrow! I work for Ansem!' And he's all, 'Yeah right. Now you will pay... IN BLOOD!' So then he beat me up."

 Dilan and Aeleus just stared at him. "Really?" Dilan asked, skeptical. "Seriously! I swear I was attacked by Moogles!" Braig said, and went off in a huff.

 "Did he really expect us to believe that?" Dilan asked Aeleus. Aeleus shook his head. "He's a horrible liar." "It's probably better we don't know..." Dilan stated. The two then continued to walk back up to the castle, sipping their coffee. The less headaches they had, the better.

THE END

 Hope you enjoyed!

Overused Plot Parody #5- Back to Tak

  Hey, it's been a while since I've done one o' these, eh? So, I've done New Girls, Dib Daddy Issues, Zim Learning The Truth, and Zim/Dib Having "Heel Face/Face Heel Turns" .... What's left?

 Oh,Idon'tknow... TAK'S RETURN!!!!!

 BACK TO TAK

 They say her fall out of the sky, on fire. The all-familiar female Irken looked them in the eyes, with a smile akin to a slasher. "TAK!" Dib and Zim shouted in unison. "She's on fire. It must huuuuurrrrrtttt." GIR pointed out, then walked out. Zim cleared his throat. "So, I assume you're here to team up with me and fall HELPLESSLY in love with me, because you are pathetic and not as AMAZING as me...."

 This kind of threw Tak off her mojo. "What? No. I'm here for revenge. I HATE YOU!"

 "Then she must be here for me." Dib said, looking smug.

 "NO! I want you gone, too." Tak growled. She readied to kill them, when..........

 "YOU WON'T HURT MY BABY!" Zo popped out of nowhere, screaming and rushing to protect Dib. "I THOUGHT WE SETTLED THIS WHEN YOU DIED IN THE FIRST PARODY!" Vix shouted, appearing and brutally killing Zo in a way no human can describe. Then a figure in a black hood appeared. "VIX! I told you not to abuse the Deus Ex Machina! Back to the basement to "rehabilitate" you!" Vix groaned, and walked over to the Black Hooded Figure. She looked over to Dib. "You will be mine...." She whispered. They dissapeared in a portal, and the Fourth Wall reappeared.

 Zim blinked. "Eh?"

 Tak took this weird coincidence to jump into the sky and activate her PAK legs. She lunged at her enemies, like a bird of prey, getting closer.....


THE END?

 There you go! Yeah, this was weirder than I thought.

Number Six Here!

A Weird OHP "Fanfic": LLAMA!!!!!!

 And now, for something completely different.

 This AWESOME group, Operation Head Pigeons (AKA "Operation Head Pigeons 2.0" on Facebook), has hit 10,000 likes on Facebook not long ago. So, I decided to write the girls over there a "Fanfic" of sorts. Is this weird? Kinda. But anyway, this is my little gift to them. I've been a pigeon since the original "Operation Head Pigeons". So, here we go!

 LLAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 The Control Brains and The OHP Tallest were hanging out in OHP Land. Tallest Sarah and CB Hillary were discussing the awesomeness of Richard Horvitz. CB Lillias was writing an MST of a bad Fanfic and trying to hold on to her will to live though a particularly bad part. "The plot thickens." She said to herself. CB REL was reading reviews for her singing of the OHP version of "Want You Gone", and CB Opera and Meadow were drawing. And Jackie and Alexia were talking to each other.

 Suddenly, Tallest Karissa  burst into the scene.

 "GUYS! THE LLAMA FINALLY LOST HIS VOICE!" Everyone gasped. "You mean the llama that keeps us from telling THE SECRET?" Meadow asked. "Yes, and wonderful exposition, Meadow." Jackie replied. REL smiled, "This means..." "...We can tell the secret." Opera answered. "Okay guys," Sarah said, "on the count of three..."

"ONE...."
"TWO..."
"THREE!"

 Suddenly, there was loud hip-hop music. A low-rider car drove by loudly as they spoke THE SECRET. Upon closer inspection, one could see a llama in shades, driving. On his licence plate, it read: "LLAMA!"

 Everyone stood there, in shock.

 "I forgot me and Sarah took the llama to the DMV to get a Driver's Licence." Hillary said. Alexia looked over at Hillary. "It seemed like a good idea..." Alexia scowled. "I TOLD you guys that was a bad idea! I swear, sometimes it's like I'm not here..."

THE END!

 Any Head Pigeons out there? Were the CBs and Tallest "In-Character", so to speak. Tell me what you think! CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, please!

Overused Plot Parody Theater #4: Whose Side Are You On?

 Been a long time since I've done one of these, huh? So here's plot parody 4: Zim or Dib have a change of heart.

****

WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON!?

 Zim had an epiphany one morning. The human race was beautiful, with it's ignorance, and disgustingness. He decided that he would work with the human race. He would become..... A LAWYER! Like this guy he saw in some superhero movie he watched for research. But he was blind, so obviously these "lawyers" had to have some sort of horrible handicap.

 So Zim was going to gorge out his eyes.

 BUT! Before he could mutilate himself, Dib BURST into his base. "ZIM! I've realized my species is horrible! I am going to align myself with you to destroy them!"

 Zim looked to Dib, "But.... your species is beautiful! Why would you do that? I no longer seek destruction, Dib!"

 Dib snarled and headed for the door.....

 "But you make a good point! I must destroy them!"

 "What!? Well, I'll stop you!"

 "Well, I want to help humanity again!"
 "UGH! I just remembered how much the human race stinks! I MUST ELIMINATE IT!"

 This went on for a long time. The Computer groaned and shut itself down. GIR got bored and ran to Las Vegas, and then promptly razed it to the ground. It was Minimoose who snapped. He went to the lab.

 "NYAH!" He screeched, and FIRED A LAZAH AT THEM!

 The two promptly realigned themselves to their proper sides.

 And peace was restored.


THE END!

The next one's here!
Parody 1
Parody 2
Parody 3

Overused Plot Parody Theater #3: THE MISSION IS A LIE!!!

 I had trouble coming up with a new one, but I got it. Here's the perennial favorite, "Zim finds out his mission wasn't real". Oh, and be prepared for a cameo from someone from a previous story.....

 THE MISSION IS A LIE!!!

   "....Yeah, so, we lied to you. There is no mission. We just wanted to get rid of you. So quit calling, we hate you. Bye."

  The transmission cut. Zim just stood there. He didn't say a word. He didn't even acknowledge the strangely-camera-like fly orbiting around him.

 Turns out, the fly was Dib's, and he was watching it all. "I've been fighting a fake invader? He's just an outcast like me?" Dib said. "Wow, Zim seems to be in shock. What's this? I'm feeling sympathy for my enemy? And, speaking aloud again? Hmm.."

 Meanwhile, Zim saw the fly. "Eh.. INSECT! HOW DARE YOU INVADE ZIM'S BASE!? DIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!" He then promptly destroyed it. With LAZAHS! And screaming. Oh, the screaming....

 VIGNETTE TIME!

  DIB

  "Zim, I... guess I'm sorry about fighting you all the time. I didn't realize your situation. If you ever need to talk about it, I'm also... hated by my own kind. I'll be there for yo.."

 "SILENCE, WEIRD-ACTING DIB! YOU HAVE BEEN FED LIES! MY TALLEST WERE MERELY JOKING! HAHAHAHAHA! ZIM WILL NEVER COME TO YOU WITH ZIM'S PROBLEMS!!! However few they are...."

 "Zim, denial is nat..."

 "GAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"

GAZ

 Zim was sitting on the steps of Skool, hiding from the Dib. He was acting peculiar, lately. Suddenly, he saw Gaz sitting by him.

 "Hey, you're probably thinking your species is horrible now. Well, mine is, too. So, if you want to, I dunno, go to Bloaty's sometime..."

 "NO! YOU ARE BEING PECULIAR, TOO, DIB-SISTER!"

 "Zim, I'm only nice for one hour a year, enjoy it while you..."

 There was a beep, Gaz looked at her watch. She smiled. "Time's up." She then beat Zim across the head, PAK, and chest area. Then she did something unspeakable and violent to his squeedly-spootch.

SPECIAL GUEST

 Zim walked home. Why did everyone act weird? Maybe that Dib had spied on him and his Tallest, then told Gaz what he saw. Suddenly, Zim heard a shriek and was tackled.

 He felt someone hug him. "Oh, my ZIM-MEEEE! I heard the Tallests' call through my special powers. Oh, I'm so sorry, baby. I'll always be there for you."

 "WHO ARE YOU, STRANGE FILTHY GIRL-HUMAN!"

 The girl flipped him around. She sat on him. She had multi-colored hair and a motorcyclist's outfit. "Oh, honey. You don't remember the love of your life? The one who makes your squeedly-spootch flutter?"

 "The squeedly-spootch isn't...."

 She ripped off her head, revealing a female Irken face with unnatural golden eyes highlighted with pink. "It's me, Jaz!" Jaz then started to lean in to kiss Zim, when.....

....

 Zim opened his eyes. He was on the street in his old man disguise. It was late. He noticed his skin grew back on his eyeballs. GIR was sleeping beside him. "GIR! I can see. I CAN SEE!"

 It was then Zim swore to NEVER sleep again. He would find a way to erase the need. The last thing he wanted were more horrific nightmares like that......

 THE END
  
The First Here.
The Second Here.

Overused Plot Parody Theater #2: Why Daddy?

 Hey, peoples! I'm doing another overused IZ Fanfic Plot Parody! Last week I did a "New Girl" Ripoff Parody and today here's the next one.

 The parody: Dib has Daddy Issues/Professor Membrane is an abusive Parent!

 This will probably be shorter, but on with the show!

 WHY DADDY?

  Dib sat on his bed, reading his book. Suddenly, he heard a thumping sound on his door. He rolled his eyes. "Oh, not again..." Suddenly, his father's floating monitor burst into his room.

 "Son! Why are you a failure!? You're insane!" The Professor shouted, bopping against Dib's head. "Ow. Ow. Dad. No. Stop." Dib said, deadpan. "IT'S TIME TO LEARN YOU A LESSON! WITH SCIENCE!" Dib sighed, got up, and walked away from his dad. Meanwhile, Membrane was shouting stuff and activated a tazer-thing.

 LATER, AFTER DIB WALKED! OH, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT!

 ZIM opened his door, and saw Dib standing on his porch with a sleeping bag. "Can I stay at your base? My dad's having one of his "episodes" again..."

 ZIM glared at him. "No." And slammed the door.

 And Dib slept in the mall parking lot with the Horrible Rat People.....

.....Again.
 THE END

 This has been Overused Plot Parody Theater. Check back next week for..... whatever plot I use next!   

The Third Here.

Story Time: Not Another New Girl! (Overused Plot Parody #1)

 So over on this other blog, The Half-World, theskepkitty (who runs the blog) wrote a list of overused  fanfic plots for INVADER ZIM. So I'm gonna mercilessly parody them! I already did an unfinished episode (but it wasn't a parody), so I'm gonna start with this one: A Rip-off of "Tak: The Hideous New Girl!"

COMMENCE READING!

NOT ANOTHER NEW GIRL!

 This was getting ridiculous.

 The new girl stood in front of the class beside Ms. Bitters. She was dressed in a polo and skirt from some strange store no one ever heard of: American Eagle. Her hair was blonde in a perky ponytail, and had glowy blue eyes. Ms. Bitters said, "Class,  I would like to introduce the newest, hopeless appendage to the student body. Her name is... Zo. Zo, if you have something to say, say it now, because after this moment, I don't wanna hear another sound from you!"

 "Deja vu," Dib thought. "Not this again!" ZIM thought.

 "Hiya! I'm Zo!" She looked over at Dib. "YOU CUTE! I LOVE YOU!" She leaped at Dib, only to be intercepted by yesterday's new girl, Vix. "Hands off my man!" Vix screeched. ZIM rolled his eyes. Another girl clinging to Dib. There had been an odd influx of new girls (and this two new boys, but one they ignored and the other.... made everyone feel awkward). They all generally seemed to be "in love" with either him or his nemesis. ZIM decided to take advantage of this by trying to make his admirers his "Army of DOOOOMMMM!!!!", but they were testing ZIM's nerves with every hour.

 Meanwhile, Zo and Vix finished their fight. Ms. Bitters, who seemed to ignore this, spoke up again. "You need a place to sit..." She pointed at Poonchy. "You! You're being transferred to the Underground Classroom!" ("Another one? That "classroom" must be full.." Dib thought.) Poonchy and his desk fell through the floor to a fiery inferno, and a new desk for Zo appeared.
 "POONCHY!" ZIM, Dib, and the few remaining "original" classmates (The Letter M, Keef, Chunk, Melvin, and Zootch) cried. "Whose gonna say stuff in a funny voice now?" Chunk said, melancholy. As everyone mourned their fallen classmate, Zo took her seat and looked lovingly at Dib. "Aww, he's so cute when he's sad.." she thought. Vix shot her a look, saying, "You wanna go another round?" Zo smirked, and threw herself and Vix out the window perfectly. During the tussle, Zo's mask fell off, revealing she was (gasp) an Irken!

 Dib groaned, and stepped in front of the class. "okay, who ISN'T an alien in this class?" Only a few new kids raised their hands, Dib and most of the original class (including ZIM, who Dib glared at and said, "We'll talk about this later, space boy!"). Everyone looked at Zootch weird, as he hadn't raised his hand. Nervously, he raised his hand, and everyone went about their business.

 ZIM stood up, "You're ALL after my mission, Irkens I never met! No one steals ZIM's mission, FAKES!"

 There were  various random outbursts:

 "But I'm a Vortian, pay attention like Dib!"

 "Aw, c'mon ZIM, bro, I'm not after your mission!"

 "That's an unfair generalization, y'all!"

 "I'm only half-Irken!"

 "You're cute, ZIM!"

"Hello! I'm a human, darling!"

 "Unentgeltlichen deutschen!"

 Vix walked up to the window, taking a break from killing Zo, "I'm not after your mission, roomie! Besides, I'm a genetically-altered EvIrken. DISTINCTION!" Zo stood up. "There's a mission you're on, ZIM? Since when?" Vix tackled Zo in response.

 ZIM had had it. He turned to the girl behind him (the Vortian named Kal-Lee, who transferred here last week), and stuck a needle in her hand, taking a DNA sample. "Owie! This is why I like Dib, you Irken creep! I hope the Resisty wipes your kind out!" Kal-Lee whined. He then proceeded to take samples from everyone.

  When ZIM went home, he went to work on his newest, most sinester device.

 The next day, a girl with a short, multi-colored bob dressed  like a motorcyclist stood before the class. "Hi, my name's Jaz. I'm new here."

 In an uncanny resemblance to last Valentine's Day, everyone monotoned, "Hello, Ta...we mean Jaz." Suddenly, Melvin was "transferred" to the underground classroom. As Jaz walked to her seat, she stopped at ZIM's desk, and hugged his head to her chest. "ZIMMY! I want you to know, when the Tallest inevitably tell you your mission is a lie, you can always come to me, sweetheart!" She started stroking his cheek.

 ZIM growled, shoving her away. "LIAR!" He shouted. He then pulled out a giant chemical bomb and turned it on. "DIE! DIE! DIE!" He screeched like a maniac. He then started laughing psychotically.  

 The bomb went off, spewing chemicals on every student. Then, everyone (the new kids and the old kids) started to melt in their own unique, special way. Dib turned to ZIM. "I never thought I'd say this, but thank you, ZIM!" ZIM smiled triumphantly. "But, why did you set it to kill the oth.." He then remembered this was ZIM, after all. "Never mind." 

 Then Dib started feeling hot and sweaty. Then a good chunk of his head started to ooze off. He looked at ZIM, whose face was melting as well. "You put DNA samples of us in there, too." ZIM had a look of realization. "GIR!" He shouted. "You weren't supposed to put my DNA in there! Now the acid is melting my genetic signature, too!" 

 "You jerk." Dib said furiously.

 THE END.

 Well, there it is! I'm planning on doing more "Overused Plot Parodies" in the future. Bye! 

Read The Second One Here!

It Feeds On Noodles Fanscript (HAPPY BIRTHDAY JHONEN VASQUEZ!)

    Yup, today is the birthday of the fantastic Jhonen Vasquez, creator of INVADER ZIM. So, how to celebrate and honor the day? WITH THIS HERE FANSCRIPT OF AN EPIC-SOUNDING ZIM EPISODE CONCEPT, OF COURSE!

 Here we go! I will have something at the end.
*Insert "I don't own ZIM" disclaimer here, blah blah blah*

                                                           IT FEEDS ON NOODLES

 SCRIPT BY LOVEABLE FREAK

                                 

SCENE: INT. ZIM'S BASE, KITCHEN, NIGHT

(An impatient ZIM is seen sitting at the table, fiddling with a spoon, as GIR hacks away at A WHITE THING ON THE COUNTER. The camera is slowly zooming down on them from above)

(Camera switches from overhead to facing them)

  ZIM

(DROPS SPOON, SCREAMING) GIR! WOULD YOU HURRY UP!? (ANGRY, BUT NOT SCREAMING) My belly is rumbling... (ZIM HEARS RUMBLING, SHOUTS) SILENCE! OBEY ZIM!

 (GIR quits hacking the thing, picks it up, carries it to the table and presents his FANTASTICALLY HORRIBLE LUMP OF SOAP to ZIM) 

GIR

(PROUD) I MADE A PIGGY!

(ZIM stares at the "pig", ZIM's eye twitches. As ZIM prepares to tell GIR off, the doorbell rings. GIR drops the piggy, which in-turn becomes soapy mush, puts on the DOGGIE SUIT, and flies off-screen)

(GIR bursts back on-screen after his brief absence, revealing he got CHINESE TAKEOUT)

 (CONTINUOUS: GIR struggles with opening chopsticks as ZIM yells.)

ZIM

GIR! How DARE you bring me... (disgusted) EARTH food for supper! Are you conspiring...

(GIR trimphantly gets the chopsticks open, but they fly off screen)

GIR

(PLEASED) I GOT IT!

(Camera turns to see ZIM has the chopsticks lodged in his forehead. ZIM, obviously, is HOWLING IN PAIN)

(ZIM runs around screaming things at GIR, arms flailing around, then he runs into the table, his head flat on the top of the table, and his screams finally abruptly stop.)

(ZIM gets up, sighing grogily, but something is different. He now has two "pricks" on his forehead and two chopsticks protruding from his top teeth)

GIR

(Gasps) You got fangs......

(GIR gets ZIM a mirrior, ZIM stares at his reflection intently, as he absent-mindedly bites a take-out box and slurps noodles)

ZIM

Hmm... I appear to have become a vampire. Strange, ZIM is not hungry for blo...

(ZIM realizes his actions and freaks out, throwing the box across the room and freaks out)

 ZIM

(Horrified) I HAVE BECOME A VAMPIRE FOR THE CHINESE FOOD! (terrrorfied) I.. I must fight it, or I will KILL myself with the (low) delichousness.

(ZIM stands there a beat, then attacks the food, mauling the food in such a gruesome manner it's surprising such violence could be achieved. Cut to GIR watching, mourning his dinner. ZIM rises from his meal, licks his "lips", puts on his wig and contacts, and adds a cheap vampire cape to the costume, he lifts his cape in front of his face dramatically, and laughs sinesterly)

SCENE: OUTSIDE, A CITY SIDEWALK, LATER THAT NIGHT

(DIB and GAZ are walking down the sidewalk (continueous), GAZ carrying a plastic bag)

DIB

 I can't believe Dad had us pick up dinner this late at night. Alone.

(GAZ looks at DIB and scoffs, then turns away. Out of nowhere, ZIM leaps into the scene and tackles GAZ, pining her to the sidewalk. DIB rushes to intervene, but ZIM shoves him to the ground)

(ZIM laughs, then salavates. He grabs GAZ'S TAKE-OUT BAG, stands up, and rips out a take-out box, and gruesomely devours the food in front of GAZ. Intercut between GAZ being splattered with food and DIB reaching out to his sister dramatically)

 DIB

(In Horror, Continuous) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(ZIM finishes, licking his lips, then hisses at Dib. Then he leaps off-screen, stage right)

(DIB finally thinks to get up and runs to GAZ) GAZ! You okay?

 GAZ

(wiping her face, angry) Do I LOOK alright? (clutches her napkin furiously) He got food ALL OVER ME!

DIB

That alien! He must have turned into a vampire!

GAZ

He's not a vampire, he's a moron, Dib....

DIB

(chuckles) Gaz, Gaz, Gaz. I'm a paranormal expert. I think I know a vampire when I see one.

GAZ

You're not an expert, you're also a moron....

(DIB ignores GAZ, reaches into his jacket and pulls out a wooden stake, then, for the sake of cool, puts on sunglasses. He grips his stake, then poses dramatically. His eye twicthes, and he drops stake)

DIB

Ow. Splinter.

(DIB puts on glove, grabs his stake again, then runs after ZIM, screaming like a maniac)

CUT TO A RESTERAUNT CALLED CHOPSTICKY'S

SCENE: INT. CHOPSTICKY'S, CONT. NIGHT

(ZIM bursts into the resteraunt, no one takes notice, he walks up to SOME TEENAGR WITH STUFF IN HIS EAR AT THE COUNTER)

ZIM

(LOW VOICE) Hello, human. I require ALL your deelishous.... (NORMAL ZIM-SPEAK) I MEAN REVOLTING! SICK... (Back to Low Voice that's becoming scary) Food......

STUFFED -EAR TEEN

(drawn out) You got flu?

ZIM

(Back to his normal voice, angry) NO! I WANT FOOD!

STUFFED-EAR TEEN

Kung-Fu?

ZIM

PATHETIC NO-LISTENING ZIT-CREATURE! (Enunciates) I. WANT. FOOD.

STUFFED_EAR TEEN

Water...

(ZIM growls in frustration and fury, and leaps over the counter, through the service window, out of sight. Food flies out everywhere, pan to the left, as the chefs flee through the door, but one collapses in the doorway, his hand running down the door leaving a soy sauce trail)

(DIB noncholantly walks into the resteraunt, up to STUFFED-EAR TEEN)

DIB

Hey, have you seen...

(A half-eaten eggroll hits STUFFED-EAR TEEN in the back of the head. He falls over, writhing)

STUFFED-EAR TEEN

I'M HIT!

(ZIM looks out the window, grins evilly, licks his lips, but steam is seen coming out. He winces and growls. DIB notices and leaps for ZIM. ZIM dodges and and lunges at DIB)

(ZIM pins DIB down, as DIB tries to stake ZIM. ZIM bites DIB's hand with the stake, and DIB cries out in pain, letting go of the stake, letting it roll away)

ZIM

(Whispers) Help.... me....

(DIB uses this to kick ZIM off him. He shoves a service cart at ZIM, pinning him to the wall, DIB jumps on top the cart)

ZIM

Dib! I will be destroyed by this human food.

DIB

Good!

ZIM

But.... But.... (gets an idea) If I'm killed, how will you prove I'm an alien?

(DIB ponders this question, sighs, and yanks the chopsticks out of ZIM's mouth)

(ZIM screeches, then sighs contently, then shoves the cart away. ZIM rips off his cape and exits)

SCENE: INT. ZIM'S BASE: LIVING ROOM, STILL NIGHT

(ZIM enters the base, GIR stands in front of him)

GIR

(DUTY MODE) Master! Do you require me to initiate Plan B? (pulls out stake)

ZIM

(content) No, GIR. No. 

(GIR snaps out of Duty Mode, and gives ZIM a *Lick-Stick)

*Note: I think that's the term for ZIM's "Fun Dip" Stuff is called

ZIM

It's ALL over.

(ZIM eats Lick-Stick)

CUT TO SCENE: DIB'S BATHROOM, YUP, IT'S STILL NIGHT

(DIB rumages through medicine cabinet)

GAZ: (off-screen) DIB! FOOD!

(DIB closes the cabinet, he looks at the reflection on the mirror, and smiles evilly, revealing little chopstick fangs)

THE END?

 Well, there it is. Feedback, please.

 And Happy Birthday, Jhonen Vasquez. May you forever question sleep, you twisted, undisputed lord of awesome, you!