Here we go! I will have something at the end.
*Insert "I don't own ZIM" disclaimer here, blah blah blah*
IT FEEDS ON NOODLES
SCRIPT BY LOVEABLE FREAK
SCENE: INT. ZIM'S BASE, KITCHEN, NIGHT
(An impatient ZIM is seen sitting at the table, fiddling with a spoon, as GIR hacks away at A WHITE THING ON THE COUNTER. The camera is slowly zooming down on them from above)
(Camera switches from overhead to facing them)
ZIM
(DROPS SPOON, SCREAMING) GIR! WOULD YOU HURRY UP!? (ANGRY, BUT NOT SCREAMING) My belly is rumbling... (ZIM HEARS RUMBLING, SHOUTS) SILENCE! OBEY ZIM!
(GIR quits hacking the thing, picks it up, carries it to the table and presents his FANTASTICALLY HORRIBLE LUMP OF SOAP to ZIM)
GIR
(PROUD) I MADE A PIGGY!
(ZIM stares at the "pig", ZIM's eye twitches. As ZIM prepares to tell GIR off, the doorbell rings. GIR drops the piggy, which in-turn becomes soapy mush, puts on the DOGGIE SUIT, and flies off-screen)
(GIR bursts back on-screen after his brief absence, revealing he got CHINESE TAKEOUT)
(CONTINUOUS: GIR struggles with opening chopsticks as ZIM yells.)
ZIM
GIR! How DARE you bring me... (disgusted) EARTH food for supper! Are you conspiring...
(GIR trimphantly gets the chopsticks open, but they fly off screen)
GIR
(PLEASED) I GOT IT!
(Camera turns to see ZIM has the chopsticks lodged in his forehead. ZIM, obviously, is HOWLING IN PAIN)
(ZIM runs around screaming things at GIR, arms flailing around, then he runs into the table, his head flat on the top of the table, and his screams finally abruptly stop.)
(ZIM gets up, sighing grogily, but something is different. He now has two "pricks" on his forehead and two chopsticks protruding from his top teeth)
GIR
(Gasps) You got fangs......
(GIR gets ZIM a mirrior, ZIM stares at his reflection intently, as he absent-mindedly bites a take-out box and slurps noodles)
ZIM
Hmm... I appear to have become a vampire. Strange, ZIM is not hungry for blo...
(ZIM realizes his actions and freaks out, throwing the box across the room and freaks out)
ZIM
(Horrified) I HAVE BECOME A VAMPIRE FOR THE CHINESE FOOD! (terrrorfied) I.. I must fight it, or I will KILL myself with the (low) delichousness.
(ZIM stands there a beat, then attacks the food, mauling the food in such a gruesome manner it's surprising such violence could be achieved. Cut to GIR watching, mourning his dinner. ZIM rises from his meal, licks his "lips", puts on his wig and contacts, and adds a cheap vampire cape to the costume, he lifts his cape in front of his face dramatically, and laughs sinesterly)
SCENE: OUTSIDE, A CITY SIDEWALK, LATER THAT NIGHT
(DIB and GAZ are walking down the sidewalk (continueous), GAZ carrying a plastic bag)
DIB
I can't believe Dad had us pick up dinner this late at night. Alone.
(GAZ looks at DIB and scoffs, then turns away. Out of nowhere, ZIM leaps into the scene and tackles GAZ, pining her to the sidewalk. DIB rushes to intervene, but ZIM shoves him to the ground)
(ZIM laughs, then salavates. He grabs GAZ'S TAKE-OUT BAG, stands up, and rips out a take-out box, and gruesomely devours the food in front of GAZ. Intercut between GAZ being splattered with food and DIB reaching out to his sister dramatically)
(ZIM laughs, then salavates. He grabs GAZ'S TAKE-OUT BAG, stands up, and rips out a take-out box, and gruesomely devours the food in front of GAZ. Intercut between GAZ being splattered with food and DIB reaching out to his sister dramatically)
DIB
(In Horror, Continuous) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(ZIM finishes, licking his lips, then hisses at Dib. Then he leaps off-screen, stage right)
(DIB finally thinks to get up and runs to GAZ) GAZ! You okay?
GAZ
(wiping her face, angry) Do I LOOK alright? (clutches her napkin furiously) He got food ALL OVER ME!
DIB
That alien! He must have turned into a vampire!
GAZ
He's not a vampire, he's a moron, Dib....
DIB
(chuckles) Gaz, Gaz, Gaz. I'm a paranormal expert. I think I know a vampire when I see one.
GAZ
You're not an expert, you're also a moron....
(DIB ignores GAZ, reaches into his jacket and pulls out a wooden stake, then, for the sake of cool, puts on sunglasses. He grips his stake, then poses dramatically. His eye twicthes, and he drops stake)
DIB
DIB
Ow. Splinter.
(DIB puts on glove, grabs his stake again, then runs after ZIM, screaming like a maniac)
CUT TO A RESTERAUNT CALLED CHOPSTICKY'S
SCENE: INT. CHOPSTICKY'S, CONT. NIGHT
(ZIM bursts into the resteraunt, no one takes notice, he walks up to SOME TEENAGR WITH STUFF IN HIS EAR AT THE COUNTER)
ZIM
(LOW VOICE) Hello, human. I require ALL your deelishous.... (NORMAL ZIM-SPEAK) I MEAN REVOLTING! SICK... (Back to Low Voice that's becoming scary) Food......
STUFFED -EAR TEEN
(drawn out) You got flu?
ZIM
(Back to his normal voice, angry) NO! I WANT FOOD!
STUFFED-EAR TEEN
Kung-Fu?
ZIM
PATHETIC NO-LISTENING ZIT-CREATURE! (Enunciates) I. WANT. FOOD.
STUFFED_EAR TEEN
Water...
(ZIM growls in frustration and fury, and leaps over the counter, through the service window, out of sight. Food flies out everywhere, pan to the left, as the chefs flee through the door, but one collapses in the doorway, his hand running down the door leaving a soy sauce trail)
(DIB noncholantly walks into the resteraunt, up to STUFFED-EAR TEEN)
DIB
Hey, have you seen...
(A half-eaten eggroll hits STUFFED-EAR TEEN in the back of the head. He falls over, writhing)
STUFFED-EAR TEEN
I'M HIT!
(ZIM looks out the window, grins evilly, licks his lips, but steam is seen coming out. He winces and growls. DIB notices and leaps for ZIM. ZIM dodges and and lunges at DIB)
(ZIM pins DIB down, as DIB tries to stake ZIM. ZIM bites DIB's hand with the stake, and DIB cries out in pain, letting go of the stake, letting it roll away)
ZIM
(Whispers) Help.... me....
(DIB uses this to kick ZIM off him. He shoves a service cart at ZIM, pinning him to the wall, DIB jumps on top the cart)
ZIM
Dib! I will be destroyed by this human food.
DIB
Good!
ZIM
But.... But.... (gets an idea) If I'm killed, how will you prove I'm an alien?
(DIB ponders this question, sighs, and yanks the chopsticks out of ZIM's mouth)
(ZIM screeches, then sighs contently, then shoves the cart away. ZIM rips off his cape and exits)
SCENE: INT. ZIM'S BASE: LIVING ROOM, STILL NIGHT
(ZIM enters the base, GIR stands in front of him)
GIR
(DUTY MODE) Master! Do you require me to initiate Plan B? (pulls out stake)
ZIM
(content) No, GIR. No.
(GIR snaps out of Duty Mode, and gives ZIM a *Lick-Stick)
*Note: I think that's the term for ZIM's "Fun Dip" Stuff is called
ZIM
It's ALL over.
(ZIM eats Lick-Stick)
CUT TO SCENE: DIB'S BATHROOM, YUP, IT'S STILL NIGHT
(DIB rumages through medicine cabinet)
GAZ: (off-screen) DIB! FOOD!
(DIB closes the cabinet, he looks at the reflection on the mirror, and smiles evilly, revealing little chopstick fangs)
THE END?
And Happy Birthday, Jhonen Vasquez. May you forever question sleep, you twisted, undisputed lord of awesome, you!
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