Loveable Freak Reviews: Elementary Pilot

  Well, last night was the premiere of the new Sherlock Holmes show, Elementary.

Finding these took a while. (And I had a Downeylock one, but it won't come up, and the Jude Law!Watson one is apparently gone...)

 Whoa! Everybody put your guns down! Let's be civilized here! We don't need to resort to violence over this! Really...

  Anyway, the pilot is about Sherlock (AKA Jonny Lee Miller, or as I like to call him around here, "Millerlock"), fresh out of rehab, trying to solve the murder of a woman, while assisted by his new sober companion, Joan Watson (AKA Lucy Liu, or as I like to call her around here... Joan).

  First of all, I'll get this one thing out of the way: I noticed early in the episode, they had the Twitter hashtag "#Sherlock" in the corner, before switching to "#Elementary". I wonder how many people watching, who don't know about BBC's Sherlock, got confused on Twitter when they saw Tweets with the "#Sherlock" that were about stuff like "The Reichenbach Fall" or "A Study in Pink".

 Okay, let's start with the most polarizing thing: the all-new, all-female Watson, Joan Watson.

  I stated before that I don't like the idea of Joan coming into Sherlock's life here by being his sober companion. I just feel like she's kind of forced to be around him. I mean, yes, it's established that she enjoys what Sherlock does (and actually has a knack for it. I think that's kind of good. And at least the writers are keeping it up with competent Watsons like in the book! Yay!), but still, I would have preferred it if they had found another way to bring the two together.

  And, yes, the two still live together. They didn't change that just because the genders changed. At least, for six weeks they will. But let's face it people, she's Watson, he's Sherlock. Joan isn't leaving when those six weeks are up. What do you want to bet they'll forget about it in-show, and they'll have something like Sherlock saying: "Oh, hey, shouldn't you have moved out [INSERT PERIOD OF TIME HERE] ago?" And Joan replying, "...Oh, yeah..."?

  As said earlier, Joan here shows a little bit of deductive power here, too. That's admittedly impressive. And she seems to be more of the "call Sherlock out for treating people like a jerk" Watson than the " 'Oh my gosh! You're brilliant!' " Watson. It was kind of jarring at first to me, since I was thinking of Sherlock's Watson. I mean, she still admits that he's good, and is amazed at/curious about his first deductions. but she's not like Martin Freeman's John Watson was in the beginning of Sherlock. In fact, the more I think about it, she's almost more like Jude Law's Watson in the movies, and that's the one who's known his Sherlock for ages! In short, in Doctor Who terms, she's going to be more of a Donna Noble or a girl Rory Williams (hopefully) to Millerlock's Doctor. And those are two of my favorite companions, so...

  Anyway, Joan has no military history here. Shame, I was kind of hoping she would, just because it would be awesome. Who knows/ Maybe she'll show some gun prowess later on. And, technically, she's not a doctor, per say. Least not officially. She was a surgeon, until she committed malpractice. But she hasn't forgotten what she knows, which is good. It's not just an informed attribute, so to speak.

  And, on a minor note, I loved the revelation that she is a sports fan here. Even going so far as to wear a baseball hat while watching a baseball game at home! (I'll talk more about this scene later) I've kind of latched on to this aspect of her. I kind of want to find out more stuff about this new, female Watson. I think she does pretty well, and I must give props to Liu for doing better than I thought.

 Now, on to Sherlock himself. I've said before that Millerlock shows promise. Well, in a basic sense, he is. He's decent. He's very good at deduction, heck, he's even good at prediction, too. He has some of the other basic traits I'm used to, too. He gets bored (in fact, he breaks out of rehab. I love his "I showed them their flaws in the security" line.), can be a bit sarcastic like the other two Sherlocks I know (Downeylock's "Once again, Lestrade, you have a firm grasp on the obvious" and Cumberlock's "Brilliant Anderson... Brilliant impression of an idiot", anyone?) and he does have his moments where he's not the kindest fellow, like Cumberlock.  Oh, and I like that he acknowledges he's not in the consulting detective business for credit.

  Now I do have some problems with him. the big one being him and that freakin' woman! They did fondue! They did UMQRA! They did engage in dancing! (Ah, unusual euphemisms from Captain America, Sherlock (at least, I saw the second used as a euphemism before), and Doctor Who, I love you...). I don't like it. I mean, yeah, Millerlock says it was strictly "for stimulation" and "I find this disgusting". But still, couldn't they have gone with something else? It's not as bad as I thought it was going to be, but I still dislike this even being here.

  I also thought this Sherlock "swore" a lot. I mean, in a "British terms I kind of figure are swearing" sense. I'm not used to Sherlock being having a slightly more colorful language. They may not be the severe swear words, but still, it was a little distracting. And I don't think I liked the line where he said he didn't picture a suspect, quote, "having the berries" (? That's a new one to me) to kill the victim. I just, I have a hard time wrapping my mind around Sherlock actually saying that...

  Hmm... I bet this is somewhat like how buddy2blogger feels about Jim Moriarty's "Mr. Sex" (yeah, yeah, I know, I used the euphemisms earlier, but I feel I have to use the word here) line in "The Riechenbach Fall" episode of Sherlock. Might not be exactly like that, but still...

  Anyway, Millerlock does show a bit more human-ness here. I think time will tell if this works out for him (it at least distinguishes him from at least Series 1 Cumberlock...). I, personally, like when Sherlock Holmes shows his more "human" side, but part of why I like it is that he so rarely shows it, so it's a treat.

  Millerlock doesn't have the gimmicks/views inside the head like RDJ's or Cumberbatch's do. (Downeylock having his deductive "Holmes-O-Vision" combat technique-thing, Cumberlock having his subtitles showing his thought processes). It's, again, a bit odd to go from seeing how he's thinking to "just go with it/let me explain". But, he does seem to use his phone/modern things like Facebook and Google (oh, turns out he googled Joan's dad, not her job. That works for me) than his fellow modern day Sherlock, Cumberlock.

  Gregson is pretty okay. He does pretty decent, and, again, it's nice to see him acknowledged here when the other show and the movies pretty much ignore his existence so far. And I'm not totally crazy about Sherlock's dad being in the picture, here. But I do wonder: what does Daddy Holmes do, exactly, that has him own five buildings in New York?

  Okay, enough characters, time for the story and overall show. The mystery is a fairly interesting one. I don't think it was a Canon story, but if the rest of the original stories are interesting, I might not mind. There was the whole "song at the beginning and end that aren't the theme song" thing that I think is sort of a cliche, but that's a personal nitpick.

  I do think the theme and the violin song they played in the episode are decent. They're no Hans Zimmer, but still good. But the theme was too short. Who knows? If they release the soundtrack on iTunes, I might get those songs.

  I really liked the scene at the end, where Joan is excitedly watching a baseball game, and Sherlock is just like: "Can we go eat now?" I won't spoil the rest, but it's hilarious.

  Overall, I think that Elementary is... okay. It's not a bad as I feared it would be, but it's not as fantastic as I hoped it would be. I'm still going to watch it, though. One, because it's the only Sherlock-related thing that's going to be out for a while and Doctor Who's going on break after tomorrow's episode. And two, because I want to see if it improves. I see potential.

  So, my fellow Sherlock fans, let's drop the irrational thoughts and speculation about this show and just give it a try, okay? It's really not the sign of the coming of doom that most people thought. Please?

Judgement Day

  Well, tonight's the night. It's all come down to this. After today, things will be settled once and for all...

  ...Elementary premieres tonight on CBS. Finally, I (and all the other Sherlockians/Holmesians) will know once and for all what this show will be like.

  Will it be the horrific abomination most Sherlock fans believe it will be, and insult to the name Sherlock Holmes? Or will it be a surprise hit, and not as bad as we all thought? Or will it just be "meh", and eventually be forgotten in a couple years, never to be spoken of again unless it gets a cult following?

 Well, guess we'll get our answers tonight. And for those uninterested in/not able to bring themselves to watch, I'm going to review it tomorrow.

  ...And I'm prepared for if it's bad, I already got the pitchfork and torch ready, I just need to know where the potential mob's meeting... ;)

  So, that's what's happening. See you all tomorrow!

I Just Remembered What I Dislike About Award Shows...

  So, last night I watched The Emmys. It was alright, not awesome. Anyway, I wait for two whole hours JUST to see if my boys Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman (oh, and the other people who work on Sherlock, and the show itself) were going to win an award. I knew they were nominated, I just wanted to see if they'd win. And oh boy, was I disappointed.

  ...They totally mispronounced ALL their names when they won! ;)

  *sigh* I wish that were so. No, none of the people nominated won. What the heck, Emmys? It didn't win anything last year, either. What, are you just prejudiced against Sherlock? Or are you just "nation-ist"? (Well, "nation-ist" against anything but Downton Abbey...) I mean, seriously! Seemed like everything but two of the winners were American stuff.

 I don't exactly know how submission works for these things, and I don't know if they were only allowed to send in one episode due to length. But, seriously, what difference should that make? It may have movie-length episodes, but it's still a TV series. Personally, I thought they shouldn't have gone with "A Scandal in Belgravia". I mean, the episode was alright (not my personal favorite), but I think the other two were better. Like, say, "The Reichenbach Fall". THAT was a good episode, especially when it came to Cumberbatch and Freeman's acting. I knew what was coming, and they still managed to punch me in the emotional gut!

  Seriously, I don't think it's fair that they lost in every category. I think they should have rated the series on a whole, not just one episode. I mean, there's an arc in the episodes. It just bugs me. Granted, I haven't seen the other shows that were nominated, but I'm not interested in them (like the whole "Sarah Palin" TV movie thing. I don't care about politics.). I dunno, I think they kinda got snubbed. And I feel bad they pretty much flew out there for nothing.

  *sigh* Well, there goes the adorable picture of Chibi!Benedict and Chibi!Martin playing with their Emmys, while Chibi!Andrew Scott was sad he couldn't play Emmys with them, and Martin going over to him and saying "It's okay, we can play BAFTAs later..." And Benedict being all, "I heard that!"

...You know. And stuff. Wow, I have too much free time.

 But I guess there's always the chance The Golden Globes will be  nice and give them a nomination this year (please). Though with my luck, they either won't be nominated or they won't win... (Boy, I'm optimistic, today!)

  Well, despite what The Emmys thinks; Benedict Cumberbatch, Martin Freeman, Steven Moffat, and all you other guys who just make this show great, you're all winners to me. And if me and the fans had our way, we'd be taking all the awards and giving them to you all.

 And I guess, in the end, that's all that really matters.

Loveable Freak Presents:Sherlock Holmes and the Chest of Reality (A Fanfic): Chapter 16

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<--Previous Chapter Here

Chapter Sixteen:

Clearing The Fog

  Everything was going foggy for Sherlock. He could faintly hear the sound of footsteps, rushing into the room. He heard what seemed to be Lestrade, yelling something like “Expulso!”, making the dragon explode. He felt someone lift him up a little, causing him to cry out in pain again.

  Then he heard Mycroft's voice: “Could you be more careful next time, Lestrade? You could have impaled someone...”

  “Sorry, Mycroft...”

  That's when Sherlock heard Mycroft say something,  sounded like “vulera sanentur”. It was almost song-like. He repeated it two more times. It was making the pain go away...

***
 

  Despite his healing and ingesting ground-up Dittany, Sherlock had still lost enough blood to make the boy pass out. Mycroft hugged his little brother to his chest.  He scooped him up and laid him in the chest. Mycroft drew his wand from his umbrella and aimed at Sherlock. First, he extracted Sherlock's memories and put them in a vial. He put the vial in his jacket. Then he aimed his wand at Sherlock again. “Obliviate.” He said, then closed The Chest.

 

  “Sir, I...I don't understand. Why collect and erase his memory?” Lestrade asked.

  Mycroft turned to his most trusted Auror. “Well,” Mycroft said, “he doesn't need to remember what happened here. Especially not today. Alternate world or not, he is still my little brother. I worry about him, you know. As for extracting the memory, that's more for our Sherlock's benefit when he returns.”

  Lestrade turned to the body of Tobias Gregson. “Shame about Toby. He was a good friend...”

  “He knew there would be risks, Lestrade. Sherlock never can keep out of danger, after all.”

  Lestrade scratched the back of his head. “I just can't help but think: "how"? How did this whole mess with those two start?”

   Mycroft smirked. “I figured that out shortly after you escorted the boys back to Hogwarts. My Sherlock had apparently been experimenting with Portkeys. He tried to make one out of the skull he likes to carry around at home. He meant for it to take him directly to Hogwarts should the train ride prove to be “dull”.

  “Unfortunately,  he had a mishap. Apparently he did the spell wrong, and somehow invented his own. So, instead of him and his new friend John Watson heading to Hogwarts, he was instead sent to The Other Sherlock's world. And the accidental spell seemed to have a few side effects. One being the other world's equivalents of them coming here. And said equivalents' bodies changing to match their counterparts. As if both worlds need a Sherlock and a Watson.

 “Presumably, the two of them returning home will bring ours back.” He concluded. There was a sudden clatter from across the room. Mycroft smiled. “Ah. Here they are now.” The Wizarding World's Sherlock and John wandered over to Mycroft and Lestrade. Lestrade uttered an inaudible swear word.

  Sherlock let out a groan. “But the world without magic was exciting!” Mycroft, in his moment of emotional display of the day, hugged his little brother. “Ack! Mycroft! You're getting your germs all over my robes!”

 Mycroft laughed. “I'm just glad you're home.”

 Lestrade turned to John. “John, do you mind going back to the other world for a moment? We just have to edit some of the Other You's memories...” John nodded and went to The Chest with Lestrade.

 Sherlock pulled out of the hug. “How come John gets to go back?” he pouted. Then he saw the charred body of Tobias Gregson. Curious, he went over to inspect the body. “And who was that?” He inquired.

 Mycroft tried not to smile. “When your friend gets back, we'll fill you in.”

***

  Sherlock gasped and woke up on his couch. What had happened? There was a gap in his memory. And he had a couple of inexplicable, long, faded scars across his chest. He couldn't have fallen asleep. Could he? “John? Do you any idea what's happened to me?”

  John turned from his laptop. “You helped yourself to what you call your “seven-per-cent solution”. All sorts of things happened.” he replied.

  Sherlock sat up and looked around. “Where's my bottle and needle?”

  “Did it occur to you I might've thrown them out? It's unhealthy, what you do. Not to mention illegal...”

  Sherlock glared at his flatmate. He got up from the couch and strolled into the kitchen. After rummaging through the cabinets, he returned to the living room with a napkin and a mug full of pens. He set them on the coffee table and sat cross-legged on the floor. After pulling a pen out of the mug and uncapping it, he unfolded the napkin.

 Sherlock looked at John smugly. He started writing on the napkin, saying his words aloud. “Stratagy For Conquest of Western Civilization: Revised Edition. Supplies needed: one paper clip.”

 

THE END

 

 

---

 And now I have finished! Thank you for reading, and if you didn't like it, well... I think I'll modify Shakespeare and say:

If I have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, I will mend:
And, as I am an honest Freak,
If I have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
I will make amends ere long;
Else The Freak a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Loveable Freak shall restore amends.

  So, tomorrow(?) I'll go back to normal posts. See you all then!

Loveable Freak Presents:Sherlock Holmes and the Chest of Reality (A Fanfic): Chapter 15

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<--Previous Chapter Here

Chapter Fifteen:

Sherlock's Final Stand
 

  After quite a bit of searching, John shouted, “Here it is!” Sherlock ran over to John. Sure enough, The Chest of Reality was among a pile of books. He clapped his hands together.

  “Ha ha! John Watson, I could probably kiss you right now!”

  John laughed as Sherlock went to open the chest. “Well, don't fuel the rumors!”

  “Alohomora!” Sherlock said, unlocking the chest. He pushed the lid up. “Now, we can finally go hom...”

  “SHERLOCK!” Tobias screamed, running in out of nowhere. The boys saw Tobias change into a cat, rush in front of the boys, and shift back into a wizard just as the furniture dragon blew fire at the duo. Tobias managed to deflect the worst of the fire, but still got hit by a severe amount in the end. The Auror fell to the floor.

  “TOBIAS!” The boys shouted, rushing to their guardian's aide. But alas, they were too late. The Auror closed his eyes. “At least I did my job right. Kept you two... safe enough...” Tobias croaked out. He went limp.

  Sherlock looked almost desperate. “John, can you fix him?” He said, despite knowing it was irrational.

  “Sherlock, I can't just...”

  “You're a doctor, John! Just try!”

  John grabbed Tobias's wrist, checking for a pulse. He looked to Sherlock and shook his head. Sherlock looked down, closed his eyes, and seemed rather depressed. That passed, and the depression was replaced with determination. “John, The Chest. The sooner we leave, the sooner we get away from Smaug here...”

  “So you've read The Hobbit at least...” John said as he hopped into The Chest. “It had to do with a case I had a couple years ago.” Sherlock simply stated. John sat curled up in The Chest, leaving room for Sherlock. The Dragon blew fire overhead. That's when Sherlock had an idea. He reached for the lid of The Chest of Reality.

  “If I'm not back soon, find them!”

  As Sherlock threw down the lid, John shouted at him.   Sherlock then re-opened The Chest, letting out a relieved sigh when he saw it was empty. “At least he's safe. I'm sorry, John. But I can't risk you dying, too.” He said to himself. The young detective turned to the dragon.

 “So, this is where you went!” He shouted at the dragon. “You're probably wondering why I stayed behind. Depression? Guilt? Self-Loathing? Incredible imbecility? No. I simply wanted to finish what we started back at The Ministry!” He climbed halfway into The Chest, and made a slashing movements with his wand at the dragon. “Sectumsempra!”

  Unfortunately, his poor aim hit a vanity on the dragon. The mirror reflected the curse back to Sherlock. He tumbled off the box and onto the floor. He had thick slashes on his torso and was bleeding like mad. The dragon drew in on him.

  And for the first time he could remember in a long time, Sherlock Holmes cried.

  “I'm sorry, John.” He whispered, the very action filling him with agony. The dragon was poised to ignite him...

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Loveable Freak Presents:Sherlock Holmes and the Chest of Reality (A Fanfic): Chapter 14

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<--Previous Chapter Here

Chapter Fourteen

Whatever Remains

 

   John was nodding off in the library after the events of last night. Sherlock, however, was too busy to even think of sleep. Instead, the young detective was furiously searching the books on Hogwarts. He was fully focused, ignoring the fact the last three Chocolate Frogs from Lestrade were bouncing around the library, wreaking havoc. Frustrated with a lack of results, he slammed a rather thick, rare, old tome down on the desk; unaware he'd crushed one of the frogs.

  John stirred. “Nuh-No! You lizards will not invade the palace of I, The Hedgehog King! He who is made of kittens and rage!” He shouted in his sleep, as if he were in some epic fantasy, giving a dramatic speech. Sherlock glanced over at his friend as the other patrons shushed him. Once he was positive John was still sleeping, he secretly vowed to himself that if he and John ever had to share a room, he'd never let John eat chocolate before bed again.

  “It... it can't just be nowhere! The thing has to exist! I can find it!” Sherlock said, trying to reassure himself, but to no avail.

  “Have you checked The Room of Requirement?”

  Molly appeared from around the corner of the bookshelf behind the boys, and continued: “It has all sorts of things in it. Hidden things. Anything you could possibly need.” She pointed to the seventh-floor corridor on one of the maps Sherlock had scribbled out. “It's right there.”

  Sherlock looked at the map, then Molly. “Well, we've eliminated the impossible...” He shoved John, waking him up. John yawned and stretched.

  “Sherlock, what's going on?” He asked.

  “Molly seems to have found out where the Chest of Reality is.”

  “Well, that's great! We can't thank you enough, Molly.”

  “You know what they say about Hufflepuffs; we're particularly good finders...” Molly replied.

  “Come on, John!” Sherlock said, grabbing the map and John's wrist. “Time's of the essence!” he added, dragging his friend from his chair.

  “You're leaving for good once you find this... thing, aren't you?” Molly asked, sadly. Sherlock stopped, let out a frustrated sigh, and turned around.

  “Yes, we're planning on leaving, Molly. I believe this is goodbye, so...”

  Molly cut Sherlock off by suddenly kissing him. Sherlock's eyes bulged in surprise. John looked away, feeling quite awkward at the moment (and trying to ignore any possible unfortunate implications when one realized Sherlock was still mentally an adult). Molly pulled away, turning pink. She brushed a strand of her hair back. “Well... Bye, then...” She stammered, and hurried off.

  Sherlock stood in the same spot in shock. After what felt like two minutes, John cleared his throat. “So.. to The Room of Requirement?” Sherlock blinked, coming out of his trance. “Y..yeah. Yes.” He stammered. And the two ran off.

 

***

  As they got up the stairs to the seventh floor, they were greeted by an unpleasant surprise.

   “So, look who's gotten away with murder?” Moriarty said, standing in the corridor alongside Moran.

  “Oh, quit pretending. You're the one who killed Carl.” Sherlock accused, “I haven't had time to work out how, but I know it's you!”

  Moriarty scoffed. “Of course I did. You think you're the only clever one in this school? But it makes me feel better to see you're not just a boring pretty face...”

  Moran rolled his eyes, as if he were thinking, “Is now really the time to be “flirting”, boss?”

  Moriarty continued, “If you must know, I used a modified version of the Geminio Curse on Sebastian, here. He snuck upstairs, and shot the spell at Carl. He's a brilliant shot, I must admit. Not unlike your little friend...”

  Moran beamed. “Well, thank you, Jim.”

  “Whatever. I'm writing my legacy in bodies, Sherlock. Too bad you boys won't get to read the rest...” Moriarty concluded, and drew out his wand. “Confringo!” He shouted, aiming at John. Luckily, he dodged just in time. Moran pulled out his wand, aiming at Sherlock. “Avada Ked...” he began. But Moriarty smacked him.

  “Don't KILL him! Not yet! I want to enjoy this, first...” He ordered. Moriarty turned to Sherlock, who'd already drawn his wand. “Cru...”

  “Expelliarmus!” Sherlock shouted. Moriarty's wand flew out of his hand. Sherlock did the same to Moran. Moriarty laughed. “Oh, I'm disappointed, dear Holmes. Is that really going to be your move?”

  “Yes,” Sherlock said, smiling. "It distracted you two from John, didn't it?” Moriarty looked confused. Then, he realized Sherlock's ploy. He turned around and saw John, pointing his wand at him.

  “Moriarty, I'm not at all sorry about this. Petrificus Totalus!” John said, casting the spell. Moriarty siezed up and fell to the floor, and slid down the stairs, petrified. “That's for the bomb vest!” John shouted.

  Meanwhile, Moran was running to his wand as fast as he could to avenge his ally. The boys chased after him. Sherlock caught him first, and proceeded to punch Moran in the face. The young sharpshooter was knocked into a pillar, and passed out.

  John stared at the knocked-out Moran. “Remind me never to get on your bad side,” John quipped. Sherlock smirked. And with that, they hurried to The Room of Requirement.

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Loveable Freak Presents:Sherlock Holmes and the Chest of Reality (A Fanfic): Chapter 13

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Chapter Thirteen

Demented Search

 

   Sherlock and John waited until nightfall to begin searching Azkaban. While they waited, John began to nod off. He mumbled something as he started to doze off. Sherlock nudged him awake. “John! It's time!” he said in a harsh whisper. John jolted up. He walked over to the bars to see if their was anyone or anything wandering the halls.

  Mycroft and Lestrade managed to sneak in Sherlock's Invisibility Cloak, a map, and the boys' wands into their cell. And Sherlock managed to work some magic on the bars so no potential alarms would go off. “Coast clear?” Sherlock whispered from under the recently-donned Invisibility Cloak. “Yep.” John whispered back. He drew his wand, “Alohomora.” He whispered, unlocking the cell.

 

  Sherlock threw the cloak over John. They were ready to search the prison. “Lumos.” John whispered. He pulled open Mycroft's map, which had all the most possible locations of The Chest marked on it. Apparently, they had nine locations to search, and only five hours until daylight.

***

   They searched and searched. Eight locations and four hours later, and still no chest. And from the looks of the last spot (which was colder then the other places), the ninth place didn't have it either. “Oh, come on!” Sherlock bellowed, ripping the cloak off in frustration. “Does The Chest even exist? I know Smith is mad, what with his severe D.I.D., but...”

  “Sherlock,” John interrupted, the color drained from his face. “Does the map happen to say, I don't know, “Don't bother with here, it's dangerous, let Lestrade and his division handle this?" ” Sherlock looked closer at the map. “Well, yes. Yes it does. I almost forgot how atrocious Mycroft's handwriting is. I swear, it's like he writes in CAPTCHA...” He turned to John, “Why?” John pointed up at a horde of black-cloaked creatures, trying not to tremble. “That's why!”

  Sherlock felt unnerved. “John, care to tell me what those things are?” John backed up to the wall, taking Sherlock alongside him. “Dementors. They feed off human happiness, sucking it out of you and leaving depression. And they can suck out your soul, leaving you an empty shell.” Sherlock was about to ask how to defeat them, when a Dementor started to suck the happiness right out of him.

  “SHERLOCK!” John shouted, not caring about secrecy anymore. He pointed his wand at the Dementor, desperate to save his friend. “EXPECTO PATRONUM!” A silvery German Shepard appeared and fended off some of the Dementors, including the one attacking Sherlock.

  Sherlock gasped and started to loose his balence. John grabbed him. Once he was steady, Sherlock finally spoke. “I felt so cold... John, that... that thing you did... Wha... What was that?”

  “A Patronus. You see, you think of a powerful, happy memory, and it fends off Dementors. Luckily I managed to get one with a form, huh?”

  Sherlock nodded, “Thanks.”

  Suddenly John's Patronus disappeared. The Dementors started closing in again, this time they closed in on John. “EXPECTO PATRONUM!” Sherlock shouted, hoping it would work for him, too. Sure enough, a silver Jack Russel form flew around, chasing the Dementors.

  John chuckled, steadying himself. “We seem to have plenty of dumb luck today.” Sherlock started to chuckle, too. Then the new Patronus wore off, too. “And now it appears we're out of dumb luck...” Sherlock quipped. The two boys prepared to summon more Patronuses, ready to fend them off all night if necessary...

  ...When another, stronger Patronus appeared in the shape of a wolf. It fended off the Dementors as the two were suddenly pulled out of the room. As soon as they were safely away, Lestrade pulled off his Invisibility Cloak, and removed an odd pair of goggles from his head

  “Didn't Mycroft tell you boys not to go in there?” he scolded. “Since when has he ever listened to him?” John replied. Sherlock pointed at the Cloak. “He can't trust me for a minute, can he?” Sherlock added. Lestrade folded his arms. “Apparently not. And I'd already checked there after dropping you off. You two risked loosing your souls for nothing.”

  Lestrade sighed and placed his hands on the two boys' shoulders. “Come on. Let's get you two back to Hogwarts. And get you two some chocolate, to remedy the effects of this fiasco.”

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Dear CBS, No. Just... No. Sincerely, A Sherlockian (Or: "Sherlock Holmes, Ur Doin It Wrong")

  Okay, I'm postponing my daily chapter-thing and will do a double-post Friday. Why? To vent.

  So, last night I rang in the unofficial end of summer by watching the season finale of Big Brother 14 on CBS. ( I wasn't really rooting for anyone, because I disliked all three finalists, in case you were wondering.) And, of course, an ad for Elementary came on. You know, because it premieres September 27th, and all.

  Anyway, I had seen this commercial before, but didn't pay attention. I saw, but did not observe. But I digress. And this time, I did pay attention. And I wasn't pleased.

  So, it's pretty straightforward. Blah blah blah,  Jonny Lee Miller without a shirt, ladies. Ooh. Blah blah blah, it looks like Millerlock's flirting with Joan Watson. Blah blah blah, it's just the "predicting the dialogue" fake-out scene from the trailers. Blah blah blah, other stuff. And it boasts about how this Sherlock is "cockier" (wait, that's possible?) "sexier" (Oh, Doyle must be rolling in his grave. I read he had an issue with the illustrator of the stories, Sidney Paget, drawing Holmes "too handsome"... Besides, Miller can't top the attractiveness of RDJ or Cumberbatch!) and something else-ier (insert snarky comment here).

  But I had no problem with those things. No....

  Our little friend from the trailer's back. You remember her? I ranted about the implications of her in one of my previous posts? Yeah, well, this ad gives us more insight into that. And, well, from what I interpreted, I think my worst fear is what they were implying.

*ahem* Allow this clip from Atop The Fourth Wall to summarize my feelings...

 

 

   If they are, indeed, implying that Millerlock was... GAH! I can't say/type it! You guys get the idea, right? Anyway, that's where I draw the line. Classic Sherlock Holmes is pretty much asexual. He's not interested in that sort of thing, okay? He doesn't have time for women, he has stuff to deduce!

 

  Now, before anyone brings up the other recent works, let me explain. I don't mind the Downeylock/McAdams's Irene Adler ("McAdler"? I dunno. I really need to create more nicknames...) shenanigans/relationship because I like how it was handled. I dug the Batman/Catwoman dynamic. And it was only Adler he showed that sort of interest in. I know that Holmes and Adler being in a relationship is just something the adaptions tend to do. It's like the deerstalker or "Elementary, my dear Watson"; something people just assumed/ took it and ran with it.

 

  (Plus, Downeylock's played by Robert Downey Jr. He kind of does as he pleases. Deal with it. :P)

 

  And as for Sherlock, he specifically said relationships "weren't his area." Yes, there was Lara Pulver's Adler in "A Scandal in Belgravia", but with how that episode happened, I doubt a relationship is ever gonna happen. And as much as I love Molly Hooper and would like Cumberlock to throw the poor woman a bone, I know it ain't happening!

 

 My problem with this is just seemingly some random woman in Elementary Millerlock appears to have had a fling with. And it raises the question if he's done such a thing before. That's NOT Sherlock to me. If it were an original character, I wouldn't mind. But this is SHERLOCK. FREAKING. HOLMES!

 

  I mean, what, did they take the whole "romantic experience with women from three continents" thing from Watson and think: "Nah, we can't have Joan doing that. They might think less of her. Let's give it to the other member of the duo!" Seriously, Millerlock, I was hoping you would do good and not pull this sort of thing!

 

  Okay, maybe I'm being a bit harsh and over-critical. I haven't even SEEN the show, this is just speculation. It's just, I want this not to be terrible. I really do. I want to be optimistic. There is stuff that makes me hopeful. But there's still this pessimistic voice in my head saying "this will be awful! Terrible! A disaster! A horrible disaster!" GAH!YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, ELEMENTARY!

Loveable Freak Presents:Sherlock Holmes and the Chest of Reality (A Fanfic): Chapter 12

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Chapter Twelve

Prisons And Dragons

 

  “So, Gladstone was really an Auror? Named Tobias?” John asked Sherlock on the way to the trial.

  “Yes,” Sherlock answered. “Hmm... “Toby”. That's a decent name for a cat, too.” He mused.

   John got a horrified look on his face. “Augh! He kept brushing up on me! I petted him! And David, ...Smith... whatever he is, did too! I have to scour my hands...

 ” Sherlock scoffed at John. “Please. He didn't sleep in your bed every night...”

  John's eyes widened. He made a disgusted noise. “I didn't need to think of that! Now I have to scour my mind, too...”

***

  After a long walk down the hallway, they two reached their destination. There Sherlock and John stood, in front of The Ministry. Mycroft stood up, and opened his mouth to speak...

   ...When out of nowhere, a large, animate dragon made of furniture burst into the room! Mycroft promptly whipped his wand out of his umbrella, shouting a spell no one could hear amongst the sheer panic. The dragon didn't even flinch. It blew fire at the young Minister in retaliation. However, John thought fast, and ran up to push Mycroft out of the way just in time.

  The dragon set his sights on John. John grabbed his wand and shouted, “Aguamenti!” shooting out a jet of water that held off the flames. Meanwhile, Sherlock was shouting off spells of his own, trying to subdue the dragon. “A little help, Sherlock!” John shouted. “I can't hold it off forever!”

  Sherlock glared at John. “I'm TRYING!” He screamed something out, and the dragon finally popped out of the room.

  The boys panted, then laughed a little. “That was too close...” John said, winded.

   Lestrade and about a dozen Aurors burst into the room. Lestrade ran up to Mycroft and helped him up. “Minister! Sir! Are you alright?” Mycroft winced as he got to his feet.

 “Yes, of course I'm fine...” He smiled a little. “My little brother and his friend have just saved my life. All of our lives. Obviously, two brave and heroic boys,” (Sherlock rolled his eyes. “Heroic” was far from the right word to describe himself.) “Wouldn't have murdered young Carl Powers. Let alone for something petty like Quidditch.”

  “But, sir, we can't leave them unpunished! Besides, they're probably fooling you.” A woman with a face akin to a frog interjected.

 John walked over to Sherlock and whispered, “That's Umbridge. She's horrible. I hate that woman. In fact,  I think everyone who's ever read the books hates that woman.”

  Mycroft turned to Umbridge. “Well then, Dolores. In case I'm somehow making a horrible judgment, which I highly doubt, I have a suggestion. I figure sending the two boys to Azkaban overnight to show them the consequences of committing something like murder is a good compromise. After all, they are only boys. Shall we take a vote?”

  The majority of the officials voted for Mycroft's proposition. Umbridge glared at Mycroft. Mycroft raised an eyebrow. “Is there a problem, Dolores?”

 Umbridge scowled. “No, sir, Minister.” She said, seething with fury. She, the rest of the Ministry, and all the Aurors (minus Lestrade) walked out of the room. John and Sherlock walked over to Mycroft. “You should fire her.”

  Mycroft looked down at John. “Don't tell me how to do my job.”

  “Sir, was that one of those secret tests of character-type things?” Lestrade asked Mycroft. Mycroft put his finger to his lips. Lestrade understood and nodded. “Yes, sir. Need to know basis for The Ministry. The information never leaves this room.”

  John looked over at Sherlock, who was grinning. “You two planned this, didn't you?” John asked.

 “Yes,” Sherlock said, beaming, “and it worked perfectly!”

 Mycroft frowned. “Though now I'll have find someone to repair this section of The Ministry, creating another hassle for me.”

 Sherlock grinned bigger. “See? Perfect! You see, John, Mycroft knows our problem and offered his assistance. Seeing as we had no choice, I told him about The Chest. And I explained how it might be somewhere starting with “Az.” He said it can only be Azkaban.”

  John shook his head. “Why didn't I think of that?”

  “Because you were too busy fanboying over being in a world from a children's book.” Sherlock said bluntly. John's jaw dropped. “Oh, don't be like that. You know it's true. Anyway, he and I worked out a plan to get us into Azkaban without getting arrested. Mycroft knew that some wizards within The Ministry were concocting a way of turning dragons into furniture. They think it could possibly be a way of transferring them easier. But they hadn't worked out how to make them inanimate yet...” 

  “Hence, the dragon made of tables, chairs, wardrobes, and such.” Lestrade said.

  “And why we let the boys keep their wands.” Mycroft added.

  “Yes. So, we worked out a way of getting the dragon to burst in during the trial. Lestrade, thank Glads-" Sherlock cleared his throat. "Thank Tobias for me later. Anyway, we show how we're above suspicion, Mycroft gets us into Azkaban without getting us into Azkaban, and we're all one step closer to ending this mess.”

  “Brilliant.” Lestrade and John said, almost in unison.

  “Elementary.” Said The Holmes' together.

  “Lestrade, escort them to Azkaban, if you could be so kind.”

  Lestrade nodded. “Yes, sir.” he said, putting a hand on each boy's shoulder. “Next stop: Azkaban.”

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Loveable Freak Presents:Sherlock Holmes and the Chest of Reality (A Fanfic): Chapter 11

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Chapter Eleven

The Ministry's Proposition

 

  John and Sherlock stood by the doors of Hogwarts, luggage and Gladstone in tow. “Bye, boys!” An unbespectacled boy with floppy hair said.

  “Bye, David Smith.” Sherlock said, not bothering to look back at him.

  “Oh, my name's just “Smith” now. Suits me better.” Smith replied.

  John did a double-take. “Your face is different. And your accent's all... BBC-ish now.”

  Smith nodded. “It's all changy-wangy, magicy-wagicy, metamorphy-worphy stuff.”

  “And did you transfigure your tie into a bow tie?” John inquired.

  Smith grinned proudly, adjusting the tie, “Yeah. Bow ties are cool.”

  The doors began opening. “Well... Geronimo!” Smith said, pushing the door closer to the doors.

 As Smith made his exit, John turned to Sherlock. “He's not all that right in the head, is he?”

  “Obviously. I don't even think he's from here.” Sherlock replied.

  He turned to see who was at the door. The man's face was familiar, but younger. Yet, somehow, his hair stayed gray. “Lestrade?” Sherlock asked. “You work for my brother?”

  Lestrade shrugged. “Well, I am an Auror. Aurors work for the Ministry, so... yes. I came to collect you boys.” Lestrade responded. "We'd better get going before Filtch shows up. That man doesn't like me. And to be honest, I'm not exactly fond of him, either."

 

With that, the trio left Hogwarts and began their trip to the Ministry.

 

   ***

  Once in the Ministry, Lestrade guided them into Mycroft's office. Mycroft was finishing a meeting. “...Yes, thank you for your time, Moody. I'll see what I can do. Goodbye. Ah! There's my most trusted Auror, my favorite brother, and his friend. John Watson, I believe. Thank you, Lestrade. I'll take it from here.” Lestrade nodded and exited.

  Mycroft, just like everyone else, was younger as well. Even though he carried himself like someone much older, he looked barely over eighteen. And yet, he was in such a high position already. “Figures,” Sherlock thought. “Although, Minister's almost a demotion for him.”

  Mycroft sighed, massaging his temples. “Oh, Sherlock. Why are you always so intent on causing me stress and worry?” He asked. The elder Holmes tossed the latest edition of The Daily Prophet to his brother.

  The front page had a moving photo of Mycroft sitting at his desk. In an endless loop, he turned his head sideways, covered his eyes with one hand, and drummed his umbrella's handle with the other. The head line read:

             MINISTER'S DARKEST HOUR

 

  Sherlock handed John the paper. “You read it, I don't want to.”

 

  John sighed. “'By Rita Skeeter.' Oh, this is going to be good.” he said, dreading what the infamous reporter would say this time.

 

  “'The Minister of Magic, Mycroft Holmes (18), faces a trying time in his brief career. His brother, Sherlock Holmes (11), and his boyfriend..'”

  “Boyfriend!?” John said, bewildered. “Even here! We're just kids here!” Mycroft gave John a look. “Keep reading.” John took a deep, irritated breath and continued.

  “'...John Watson (11), stand accused of orchestrating the death of Kyle Powers (13).'”

 John glanced up from the paper. “Carl Powers.” he rolled his eyes and continued.

 “'Time will only tell where Minister Holmes' loyalties lie: family, or justice. One thing is certain; the  events of the week are no doubt taking a toll on him. Resignation seems imminent for the once bright polit...”

 

  John crumpled the paper and threw it in the bin, not able to take another word. “What a load of...! That's rubbish! Why does anyone listen to her?” he said, outraged.

 Mycroft chuckled. “Just the reaction I expected from my brother's alleged boyfriend...”

  John corrected him, “FRIEND!”

  Mycroft was amused. "Oh, I know. Sherlock's not one for relationships. Besides...” he said, eying his brother. “He's too young to be having one.”  He turned his attention back to John. “Could you leave me and Sherlock alone for a minute?" John nodded and left, still fuming.

  Once John was gone, Sherlock looked his brother in the eye. “Mycroft, you know I didn't do it.” Sherlock said.

   “Oh, of course not. I figured it out as soon as I heard the news. I think you forget sometimes that I'm as clever as you. If not more.” Mycroft stated. “We don't know who did just yet, but I know it wasn't you boys. I've been keeping an eye on you.”

  Sherlock scowled. “How?” Mycroft pointed next to Sherlock. Somehow, Gladstone had gotten in. Though Sherlock was sure he'd dropped him off back at his and Mycroft's house.

  “Tobias Gregson,” Mycroft said, “say hello to Sherlock.”

  Gladstone leaped into Mycroft's chair, turning into a young man with peculiar salt-and-pepper hair and blue eyes. “Hello, Sherlock. By the way, I hated both you boys' names for me.” Gladstone/Tobias said with a smile.

  “Tobias is one of my Aurors, and an Animagus.” Mycroft explained. “Quite handy for keeping an eye on my little brother.” Sherlock folded his arms and muttered something, pouting. Mycroft shooed Tobias away. “I know you're not my Sherlock.”

  Sherlock raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

  Mycroft nodded. “Tobias told me what happened on the train. He told me about how my Sherlock and “his” Watson disappeared off the train. And that you and your friend popped up in their place.

 "Of course, I would have figured that out anyway, because of your eyes. While they change color, it's not because you're a Metamorphagus, like my brother. He can control everything else, just not eyes yet." Mycroft smirked to himself, remembering an amusing attempt by his brother to keep his eyes one color. “And you don't sound the least bit prepubescent. But, back to business.

  “Listen, Sherlock. I can pull some strings to get you and John off without a trial. And, I can help get you whatever you need to find your way home. Just so long as you do me one favor...”

  “What's that, Mycroft?”

  “Bring my brother home.”

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