Monday, July 1, 2013

Loveable Freak Reviews Portal

 Hello, and welcome to The Mildy Nerdy Ramblings Of A Loveable Freak Internet Reviewing Initiative. Test Subject: LOVEABLE FREAK has just completed Video Game: PORTAL for Entertainment, Reviewing, and Science. Her findings during the experiment have been compiled for HER peers as follows:

Video Game: PORTAL 

 Hey, guys! Long time no write! So, I've finally played Portal! You see, there's this rental place in my town (yeah, those still exist! I know, I'm shocked, too!) and they finally had a copy of The Orange Box (AKA The only way I could play the game without downloading it on its own from Xbox Live...), so I grabbed it and played.

 And hoo boy, am I glad I did...

 Alright, in the game, you play as Chell, our silent protagonist. She is stuck in the facility of Aperture Science, doing tests for the AI known as GLaDOS, who promises cake if you succeed in these dangerous tests. But as you continue, you'll see things aren't right in Aperture... Puzzles, Lies, and Turrets ensue.

In the game, you have the portal gun, which shoots, you guessed it, ducks. No, it's portals (obviously). You use them on the right surface to get around. You also have to get objects to the right buttons, use freaking annoying energy ball-shooty thingies to power up devices, and try and take out turrets.

 The game is very fun, and the puzzles of each test chamber are fun and challenging. (It wasn't until the last chambers I had to break down and use walkthroughs... :/) It is relatively short, I'd gauge a little over the length of a game on the Internet, give or take. I'd say because it IS on a disc with 4 other games (Half-Life 2, 2 side games of that game, and Team Fortress 2). I beat it in a little over a day, two days tops (a personal best!). But it's enjoyable, nonetheless.

 The story is pretty good, too, though it doesn't really kick in until the later parts of the game. GLaDOS is one of the only speaking things (besides the turrets, who I'll get to later, and the personality cores) in the whole game, offering twistedly hilarious comments as you progress through the game. In fact, the game's often twisted, dark, Invader Zim-like humor is one of the highlights of the game! 

 Also, the game can be quite creepy at times. As you progress through the chambers, you'll start to find the scrawlings of someone who's been there before you, hidden in panels. There's the turrets, who, while having adorably childlike voices, WILL kill you with extreme prejudice (the blood... the blood... I didn't know so much could spray from the body while that body stays alive...). Heck, their cuteness almost makes them scarier... And there's the eerie atmosphere of the facility when you leave the chambers to... I've said too much, I don't want to spoil a 6 year old game... But it works for the game...

Test Subject: LOVEABLE FREAK left some extra notes as well: 

 -I freaking hate the energy ball things. They're hard to keep track of and kill you on contact. I'm glad they switched to lasers in the sequel... (yes, I've played the second one, too. I'll review that when I finish co-op with my brother...)
-I think I'd be here all day if I listed my favorite GLaDOS lines...
-Curiousity Core's my favorite core in this game...
-Alas, poor Companion Cube...
-I liked the part of the game where you have a whole large room of turrets, that you have to portal behind and drop. It's like something from a movie! ^_^)
-I tried not to make obvious cake jokes. I know those got old, Internet...
-... It's different, reviewing a game instead of some show or movie...

Test Subject: LOVEABLE FREAK left this final summation of her experience:

 Overall, I enjoyed this game. I can see why people like it so much. It's fun, and I highly recommend it. I think it's available on Steam, I don't know, don't quote me on that, and you can get it on Xbox 360 as either part of The Orange Box (if you don't mind 4 other games (I think if I get my own copy, I'll try the other games, too...)), or if you have Xbox Live, as a download. Well, GLaD I played it, and finally wrote something here again. And I'll try to write more and review the next one! ^_^ 

Review Status: Complete.


  1. Nice to see your post after a long time.


    1. Thanks, it's nice to post again. I've been distracted these past few months (I found a "new" show to watch and have been marathoning it religiously on Netflix in my spare time. :/ I'll probably review it soon...)