Story Time: Not Another New Girl! (Overused Plot Parody #1)

 So over on this other blog, The Half-World, theskepkitty (who runs the blog) wrote a list of overused  fanfic plots for INVADER ZIM. So I'm gonna mercilessly parody them! I already did an unfinished episode (but it wasn't a parody), so I'm gonna start with this one: A Rip-off of "Tak: The Hideous New Girl!"

COMMENCE READING!

NOT ANOTHER NEW GIRL!

 This was getting ridiculous.

 The new girl stood in front of the class beside Ms. Bitters. She was dressed in a polo and skirt from some strange store no one ever heard of: American Eagle. Her hair was blonde in a perky ponytail, and had glowy blue eyes. Ms. Bitters said, "Class,  I would like to introduce the newest, hopeless appendage to the student body. Her name is... Zo. Zo, if you have something to say, say it now, because after this moment, I don't wanna hear another sound from you!"

 "Deja vu," Dib thought. "Not this again!" ZIM thought.

 "Hiya! I'm Zo!" She looked over at Dib. "YOU CUTE! I LOVE YOU!" She leaped at Dib, only to be intercepted by yesterday's new girl, Vix. "Hands off my man!" Vix screeched. ZIM rolled his eyes. Another girl clinging to Dib. There had been an odd influx of new girls (and this two new boys, but one they ignored and the other.... made everyone feel awkward). They all generally seemed to be "in love" with either him or his nemesis. ZIM decided to take advantage of this by trying to make his admirers his "Army of DOOOOMMMM!!!!", but they were testing ZIM's nerves with every hour.

 Meanwhile, Zo and Vix finished their fight. Ms. Bitters, who seemed to ignore this, spoke up again. "You need a place to sit..." She pointed at Poonchy. "You! You're being transferred to the Underground Classroom!" ("Another one? That "classroom" must be full.." Dib thought.) Poonchy and his desk fell through the floor to a fiery inferno, and a new desk for Zo appeared.
 "POONCHY!" ZIM, Dib, and the few remaining "original" classmates (The Letter M, Keef, Chunk, Melvin, and Zootch) cried. "Whose gonna say stuff in a funny voice now?" Chunk said, melancholy. As everyone mourned their fallen classmate, Zo took her seat and looked lovingly at Dib. "Aww, he's so cute when he's sad.." she thought. Vix shot her a look, saying, "You wanna go another round?" Zo smirked, and threw herself and Vix out the window perfectly. During the tussle, Zo's mask fell off, revealing she was (gasp) an Irken!

 Dib groaned, and stepped in front of the class. "okay, who ISN'T an alien in this class?" Only a few new kids raised their hands, Dib and most of the original class (including ZIM, who Dib glared at and said, "We'll talk about this later, space boy!"). Everyone looked at Zootch weird, as he hadn't raised his hand. Nervously, he raised his hand, and everyone went about their business.

 ZIM stood up, "You're ALL after my mission, Irkens I never met! No one steals ZIM's mission, FAKES!"

 There were  various random outbursts:

 "But I'm a Vortian, pay attention like Dib!"

 "Aw, c'mon ZIM, bro, I'm not after your mission!"

 "That's an unfair generalization, y'all!"

 "I'm only half-Irken!"

 "You're cute, ZIM!"

"Hello! I'm a human, darling!"

 "Unentgeltlichen deutschen!"

 Vix walked up to the window, taking a break from killing Zo, "I'm not after your mission, roomie! Besides, I'm a genetically-altered EvIrken. DISTINCTION!" Zo stood up. "There's a mission you're on, ZIM? Since when?" Vix tackled Zo in response.

 ZIM had had it. He turned to the girl behind him (the Vortian named Kal-Lee, who transferred here last week), and stuck a needle in her hand, taking a DNA sample. "Owie! This is why I like Dib, you Irken creep! I hope the Resisty wipes your kind out!" Kal-Lee whined. He then proceeded to take samples from everyone.

  When ZIM went home, he went to work on his newest, most sinester device.

 The next day, a girl with a short, multi-colored bob dressed  like a motorcyclist stood before the class. "Hi, my name's Jaz. I'm new here."

 In an uncanny resemblance to last Valentine's Day, everyone monotoned, "Hello, Ta...we mean Jaz." Suddenly, Melvin was "transferred" to the underground classroom. As Jaz walked to her seat, she stopped at ZIM's desk, and hugged his head to her chest. "ZIMMY! I want you to know, when the Tallest inevitably tell you your mission is a lie, you can always come to me, sweetheart!" She started stroking his cheek.

 ZIM growled, shoving her away. "LIAR!" He shouted. He then pulled out a giant chemical bomb and turned it on. "DIE! DIE! DIE!" He screeched like a maniac. He then started laughing psychotically.  

 The bomb went off, spewing chemicals on every student. Then, everyone (the new kids and the old kids) started to melt in their own unique, special way. Dib turned to ZIM. "I never thought I'd say this, but thank you, ZIM!" ZIM smiled triumphantly. "But, why did you set it to kill the oth.." He then remembered this was ZIM, after all. "Never mind." 

 Then Dib started feeling hot and sweaty. Then a good chunk of his head started to ooze off. He looked at ZIM, whose face was melting as well. "You put DNA samples of us in there, too." ZIM had a look of realization. "GIR!" He shouted. "You weren't supposed to put my DNA in there! Now the acid is melting my genetic signature, too!" 

 "You jerk." Dib said furiously.

 THE END.

 Well, there it is! I'm planning on doing more "Overused Plot Parodies" in the future. Bye! 

Read The Second One Here!