Trailer Park: Judging Movies By Their Trailers!

  Okay, so Thursday I went to the movies and saw Despicable Me 2 (it was a cute and funny movie, BTW). And, obviously, there were movie trailers. I had thoughts on the trailers, of course, so I decided, "Hey, let's judge the trailers and share our thoughts on them with all of Internetland! ^_^" They say you can't judge a book by it's cover, but they say nothing about movies and trailers. Besides, trailers are supposed to give good impressions. After all, they're trying to get you to watch the freaking movie and help them get your eight bucks (or more, if it's in gratuitous glorious 3D)! So, here's my experiment, I call it, "Trailer Park".

  Okay, I'll stick to the ones I saw in the theater Thursday, and if you like it, I'll do more of the trailers out there...

 Okay, first up:

ENDER'S GAME

 Okay, I'm gonna start by saying I've never read Ender's Game. I knew it was a book before seeing this trailer, but I never read it. The trailer looks alright, your typical sci-fi epic fare. But what caught my attention is the sheer amount of "Academy Award Nominee"s in the trailer. It feels like they're trying to make this into award bait or are just flaunting their credentials. Like "LOOKIT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ACCOMPLISHED STUFF! WATCH THIS!!!!!" Just because you have successful people in or behind something, it doesn't necessarily mean it's guaranteed to be a good movie. How many good actors have been in complete bombs/stupid movies? Heck, how many good directors have made complete bombs/stupid movies? Plus, notice 90% of the actors they're flaunting are just nominees. There's only one they admit won something: Ben Kingsley (oh hai, nice to see you again after Iron Man 3!). Yeah, I'm a tad skeptical.

  ...Oh, and Harrison Ford is in here, too. Nice to see you, too, Han Indy Ford...

R.I.P.D.

(I can't find the exact one I saw this time, sorry, but I did see a different one before Man of Steel, so I guess I'll put that one up... Sorry about the annotations, can't be helped... ;/)

  This movie looks like it can be fun. Not a cinematic masterpiece, but fun. Ryan Reynolds is pretty funny. I think I'd enjoy this one. Also, I can't help but notice something about Ryan Reynolds. Ever notice how he seems to be in every movie for a while, then sorta vanishes for a while? He's almost never a major role in just one movie? Like he has to recharge his powers or something (I don't think he was fully charged in 2011, hence that Green Lantern movie I heard was awful and The Change-Up which looked like a terrible movie from it's trailer...).

  One more thing, seeing as this is yet another comic book movie he's in, I'm now convinced that in the future, all male comic book characters will have been played by Ryan Reynolds at least once, and if not, Chris Evans will have played them. :P (And in animation, they'll have all been voiced by Nolan North...)

 PLANES

  *buries head in hands* Pixar, wh-why do you keep making Cars-related films? NOBODY LIKES CARS THAT MUCH! (Personally, I find them rather "eh" and not exactly Pixar's best work.) Is Disney making you continue to make them because they make money from the merchandise? Because they make money from the Disney Princess line, but they don't force the animation department to make sequels to those movies... Anymore...

  (Speaking of Direct-To-Video sequels, this was originally intended to be a DTV movie. Make with that what you will...)

  Also, you got Dane Cook to voice the main character? DANE FRIGGIN' COOK!? HAVE YOU NOT SEEN HIS WORK!? *facepalm* It ain't exactly "kid-friendly". (Though, I guess that could be said with a lot of actors in animated movies, but for some reason this one in particular strikes me as mind-boggling...)

  Finally, the whole "dog" joke throws me for a loop. There... there are no living creatures except the vehicles in this world, how do they know what a "dog" is? It can't be a "we call certain vehicles "dogs"", because the first one had tractors act like cows, but they were still called 'tractors"! It doesn't make sense with the world. Unless...

  Sweet merciful Disney...

  ...The Cars universe takes place after the end of life on the planet. Life died in the machine uprising. This... this is horrifying! The dark implications... *shudder*

 Something less over-thinkable and lighter, please!

(Also, I love how the trailers posted to YouTube I looked at ALL had annotation links to How To Train Your Dragon 2's teaser trailer. EVEN YOUTUBE THINKS YOU SHOULD WATCH THE TRAILER FOR WHAT WILL PROBABLY BE A BETTER MOVIE! (I do thoughts on that trailer if I do another one of these...))

TURBO

(Can't find the trailer I saw, sorry)

 Oh, lookie, the OTHER movie with Ryan Reynolds... Yeah, when it comes to DreamWorks Animation, I'll wait for How To Train Your Dragon 2, thanks. Also, I can't help but notice that, well, the trailers can't seem to decide what song to go with? Usually, trailers stick to one, maybe two songs per trailer. These ones just use every song they can think of! (Plus, the one I saw pretty much gave away the whole plot... I hate those trailers...)

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS 2

  SO. MANY. FOOD PUNS...

  I saw the first one, it was better than I thought it'd be. It was... cute... I kinda question the need for a sequel, though (besides "MOAR MONEY FOR SONY")... Though the food puns may be worth a Netflix Instant View... I guess...

FREE BIRDS

 

 

 

 This just looks dumb. It truly does. That's all I have to say... Really? Just... really? (Fun fact, I'd totally forgotten what this movie was called. My brain is actively trying to forget this...)

 

  ...Is there an unspoken rule that executives HAVE to let at least one lame animated/kids movie out to make the rest look better in comparison?

 

"We have to greenlight a movie that'll make Planes look like Up!" "IT CAN'T BE DONE, JOHNSON! IT CAN'T BE DONE!!!" "Get a hold of yourself, Perkins!"

  ...I am taking these family flicks too seriously...

 

  ---

 

  So, yeah, this was my experiment. Tell me what you think! Should I do this more often? (I promise, next time I'll have more diversity in trailers...) Are there any trailers you want me to throw my two cents in about? (I know How To Train Your Dragon 2 and The Sea of Monsters are two I want to talk about next time... maybe Thor: The Dark World...)