100 Posts. I did it. I've reached 100 posts. This is pretty big for me. So I said to myself, "Yo, Freak! Let's do something special!" And, well, I've been wanting to try and enter the world of fanfic MSTing. (For those unfamiliar with MSTing, it's when someone mocks a terrible work, first pioneered by the TV Show Mystery Science Theater 3000). So, for the 100th Post, I'm doing an MST of a fanfic!
I will be MSTing something I know's a trollfic (meant to be bad), that I found through the website TV Tropes. Why? Because one, I had some good snark, and two, I sort of know one of the author's other personas (at least, I think we're Internet acquaintances), so I don't feel so guilty :). This is "Sherlock Holmes Vs Jack The Ripper" by Sue Mary, and it's pretty much what the name implies, only wackier.
I should probably have a disclaimer... Nah! The words that aren't my own are in blue...
Well, no time to waste! Let's get started! ALLONS-Y!
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Authrons Note: Thsi story is based of teh 3009 movee off SHerlock.
I believe this puts another nail in that "The World Ends In 2012" conspiracy, if we have "3009" movies.
SHERLOOK HOMES VS JACK THE RAPER
Sherlook at that body. Sherlook at that body. Sherlook at that body. I work out!
sHERLOCK an Wasson were at three house solving criem.
First they would solve the crimes against grammar, then they would solve the mystery of who left the Caps Lock on!
Waton wad readin a paper of news an see a big artakle.
A paper of news. As opposed to a paper of fiction.
"Serhock, there is big bad news Jick Ripper has murdred again!" Sherlock standing up on him toes and grolwled at mirror.
"Stupid mirror, I can't see my handsomeness if you keep thinking I'm as tall as Cumberlock!"
"THIS IS AN UNESEEPTABALE AKSHUN!" He pumped. "We must bring hiom to justace."
...Pumped?
An Waton agreed becuz on eof teh Ripper's victums was his WIFE!
Mary died? :( Well, I'm sure RDJ!Lock can live with that, he doesn't have to share Watson anymore! (Sorry, couldn't resist... ;))
First tey went to da inner city for investiage witnessis.
Um, Sherlock? You know I'd never question your methods, but wouldn't any witnesses to Jack the Ripper's murders most likely be... oh I don't know, BRUTALLY MURDERED!?
"I donnot no who he is but i seed him kill ones" Sherlock nodding an Whatson rited it all down.
Well, can't argue with that logic...
It wis hard of find more witness becuz killer was gud trail stopper.
EXACTLY! THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!
Then they fond a guy. It was wereworlf name Jacob lol.
Oh...
Oh, no...
JACOB KEEP YO' FILTHY TWILIGHT GERMS AWAY FROM MY SHERLOCK!
Jaco say "Followt me, I no were he living".
Well, that's convenient...
When da duges got there it was a hunted mansion!
But I thought they'd hunted the mansions into extinction!
"Im scare!" Watson crieded and poppied his pants.
Oh, it's just a haunted mansion, Watson! Suck it up, be a man, and get back in character! Be a good example for Joan Watson!
"Stay stong Wasteon, we must do for justice"
Sherlock knows what's up...
An Sherlock brokened door becuse nocking would alert THE CRIMINAL!"
...
...
Well, can't argue with that logic...
Serching in the masnon was like an episod of Skooby Doo but no moosteers or id they?
DUN DUN DUN!!!
At mansion summit was atik but Sherlock didn't see nothing. "Criminal am not nowhere" Whutson say "Gived up, SSherlock note ven u can solved this"
Oh, ye of little faith, Watson. The Canon Watson and the Sherlock fangirls are ashamed of you...
But that ony sent him intro overdive!
Oh, snap!
Jakob who went with tem saw a thing "I saw thing!"
NAW, RLY?
When they go there it a box of trouble bcause a zombied Albert Einting camed out.
Somewhere a history buff is crying...
"Shertock, lets pump!" Waton plead but Sherlock shook "no"
Oh, ye of little faith. Martin Freeman's Watson is ashamed of you....
"We canort let this abnation of justaice not put to rest!" Battle was turlf.
Show, don't tell, author...
Alber first used a punch attak but Sherlock used BRANE BLAST to make it stop.
Thaaat's more like it!
Wheatson tried to run bu slip on a banama peel and fell so da audience laffed.
Andre Morell's Watson DEFINITELY is ashamed of you from what I've read...
"Return to dead or I wilt have to kill u!"
Oh, crap! Sherlock's bustin' out the Ye Olde Englishe! Things just got real!
Sherlucksperated Ablert's head and he hurt but a box went an hit him da bowls.
...Um... Okay... Yay, I guess?
Shertlock looked fro signs of the crush an see Watson had triped on a box that was so much flying to the very zombie Watson blush "Did I do that?" and da audience laffed again.
Nigel Bruce's Wats... No, that was the "stupid" Watson, so I guess he's not so offended...
"Good jub!" Hacob said but he was seekritly angary.
ZOMG THIS COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE FORESHADOWING!
It was a lung day sso Sherlock said "Les go home an serch more torromow" An Watson agreed.
Yay! Nothing accomplished, boys! *thumbs up*
Meanwhil at ta masion Jacob said to his dark mastar "Tey defeats zombie Albert Eientin an gotted aways."
WHAT A TWIST! That TOTALLY wasn't foreshadowed or nuthin'...
"Dont worry Jakob" say Jack the Ripper "I has present fro the heroes at there house!"
Aw, Jack got them a present! That is so nice of him! You know, Moriarty would nev...
...Oh, wait, it's a bad present. Oh.... Oh, okay! I get it, I-I get it now...
An they lauffed because Jacob is a bad guy seekritly workin for Jack the Riper because im on Teem Edwin!
Jacob is a villain in Victorian London, secretly working for Jack The Ripper, just because the author's on Team Edward.
Jacob is a villain in Victorian London, secretly working for Jack The Ripper, just because the author's on Team Edward.
Wrap your mind around that.
When Sherock and Watson got home they was get out keys when da house shalked and den burst an a dinosaur that was more bigger than the whole everything was dere.
Yup, the historical buffs AND the zoology/paleontology buffs are definitely sobbing...
Dinosaur make roarl sounds an lunged at Waton but Sherlock punch away.
That defies all logic!
Do it again!
"U THINIK U CAN EAT MY HOUSE AN FREND TRYANONOSAURS REKS!"
Sherlock Holmes Fact: Do not threaten a Sherlock's Watson, or he will straight up kill you, with extreme prejudice. (Or threaten to eat his friend Tryanonosaurs Reks, apparently...)
Dinosaur that was Tryanosaruso Rex laffed and tired to eat him. Sherlocks hasd to the theink fast. "What I do What I do" Watson sad "Eskuse me!" An it farted louder than sun which was sooooooo stonky.
*facepalm* Just when you thought she couldn't stray further from Jude Law!Watson's characterization...
...And all other, unmentioned Watsons are ashamed of him...
Trex felled over an Shertlok see a sowrd which was Xcalibar an say "It only way to permantely defeat da Tranno forever for good and permanent" So he stabed it.
I think this scene defines the term "crazy awesome"...
"CURSES!" Jack scramed. "How I kill now?"
I DON'T KNOW! How you kill before?
Jaco comfortated him with a friendly back massage.
Riiiiight. A "friendly" back massage. Totally not awkward. Well, he could do worse. Jack could be a newborn half-vampire, half-human hybrid...
"Thhanks Jaco, I neded that."
Is it sad that the villains have more bromance than the classic, timeless bromance does in the fic? Especially since this is about the Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock Holmes, with his jealousy issues?
But how wuld he get revenging?
How? HOW!? Tune in next week for the... No, wait. There's more...
Shertock an Waton wents to a hotel becuse house was dino destroyed.
Waaait a minute... Was Gladstone in there? NOOOOO! GLADSTONE! CURSE YOU, JACK! KILLING THE DOG'S SHERLOCK'S JOOOOOOB! *sobs*
But hotle had a seekrit spurise for them…
*sniffle* That's nice of them. Maybe it's a new dog...
IT WAS JACK!
THAT'S NOT A GOOD SURPRISE!
"OH NO IS TERRORISTS!" Waatson cried an da audicene laffed.
Not sure whether to facepalm or laugh... So, I'm gonna do both...
"So ew meets at last Jack Ripper" Sherock demandlings. "Hahahahahahahaa I will kell u!" Say Jack an Jkaob was ther 2.
To borrow the one of the shticks of a fellow blogger, Skepkitty, from The Half World for a second:
Kell
| n. 1. | A kiln. | |
| 1. | A sort of pottage; kale. See Kale, 2. | |
| 1. | The caul; that which covers or envelops as a caul; a net; a fold; a film.
I'll have him cut to the kell.
| |
| 2. | The cocoon or chrysalis of an insect. |
So, Jack is gonna put Sherlock in a cocoon? Eh. I've heard of worse fates.
"NO WAY HOSE!" Screemed Sherlock.
Oh snap! Sherlock's breaking out the (bad) Spanglish! Things just got serious!
It wad time for teh final conflict of god vs evel.
Did Sue Mary just refer to Sherlock as a god? That totally wouldn't inflate his ego...
Sherlok attacks first wif FFIST UPNCH!
As opposed to a foot punch...
But Jacob went weareolf and grabed him arm.
Oh snap! C'mon Watson, now's your chance to redeem yourself! Do it for Mary!
Watson hids underd a bead an say "AAAAAAAAAAAA" really really loud.
*headdesk* Oh, COME ON! The hound from "The Hound of the Baskervilles" was scarier than Jacob. Heck, the dog in "The Copper Beeches" was scarier than him, and you shot it's brains out (like a boss)!
Jack Ripper Ripped Sherloak face but he grined the teeth and did head butt to break Jack nose. Waton pooped sooo much him pants exlodd. "I am scare!" He sayd wile Sherkok an Jack were FIGHTING.
Sherlock, I don't know how to say this, but your Watson's defective. You need to trade him in for a new one...
"Gives upd Shelock I will Ripe you like all da others I kirlled!" Sherlock got infushun of powar and justace so say "NO!" And wif power of true justice he did lots of punch and kick and chop fast liek speed of fast to win the grate victory. "Dead!" Yell JACK an Jacom as Shertok throws them out of windowed.
...Thank you for clarifying, guys. I would've thought you survived the power of true justice.
Next Dayu Sherloo and Waqtons was big news for kill of Jack teh Ripper. "Good jub guys!" Say King an givesd them key to da city of Englond.
Well, the good news is the history buffs aren't crying anymore. The bad news is they've lost their faith in humanity and the will to live! :(
TEH END
Yay!
I werked like 3 dayz on this stor so plaze give me good revioows this tiem guys.
You poor thing. Well, in that case... No. No I will not.
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So, there you go! My first MST! It's a little harder than I thought, but I'm willing to try again. So, what did you guys think?
I now return you to your regularly scheduled life...
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